TO BE ALONE: a series of måneskin oneshots

first night back (e.t.)

ROLL CALL >>
POV: yours and Ethan's first night back home from a lengthy tour stint

TW: SH

Your giggles and airy breaths filled the room as Ethan's kisses trailed from your lips, to your cheek, to down your neck.

Both of your guys' hands also had plans to trail off, yours finding themselves threaded into Ethan's hair, and his running up and down your legs.

Any thoughts of the past seven months didn't even attempt to cross your mind.

You raised a dainty finger to tilt Ethan's chin up, wanting more kisses back on your lips. Just as he attached his lips back to yours, you felt his hands tense against your thighs.

"Babe." He broke the kiss off nearly immediately. The nickname fell past his lips as if he was choking on it.

Everything suddenly came flashing back. The nights alone on the tour bus when you were too exhausted to go out and party, the way you coped in cold hotel bathrooms when the adrenaline high crashed a little too early on for your liking, when you saw the tweets about you in those corsets, when that so called fan tried to grab your ass during a meet and greet.

All of it instantly came rushing back, and you swore for just one more fleeting moment that you were clever enough to maybe get your way out of this one.

You weren't.

Ethan's thumbs traced the raised lines of skin that crisscrossed the insides of your thighs. He knew.

You immediately pushed him off of you when he tried to roll up the hem of your skirt.

"I'm not going to fucking hurt you." Ethan started, his voice trembling in worry. "(Y/N), let me see."

You knew you couldn't fight your way out of this one. You gingerly slipped out of your skirt entirely, leaving you in your cropped tank top and the shorts you had underneath your skirt.

"There? You happy?" You asked, your voice cracking as tears filled your eyes.

Ethan sat there speechless, his eyes tracing every single scar on your legs. Some were nearly faded and some were only a few weeks old.

Ethan shook his head, rising to his feet to cradle you in a hug. "No, I'm not happy." A brokenhearted snicker fell past his lips. "I just...why didn't you tell me? Tell anyone for that matter?"

You shook your head. "I think Vic knows. She...she caught me in a kind of damning situation one night in, shit I don't even remember, maybe Copenhagen? But I lied my way out of it, and--" Your sentence ended prematurely as you broke down into sobs.

"And I knew Leo or wardrobe would have a fit if they were anymore visible than they already were, and that was just the best place at the time, and I understand if you want to leave. I-I'm an absolute shitshow, and-"

The room fell silent and was coated with a thick tension. The only sound were your cries.

Ethan's heart raced. "Baby, no. No, never, I'd never leave over something like this. Who made you think I'd leave if you told me?"

"Everyone." You cried into Ethan's bare chest.

"No, no, honey. I'm not going anywhere." Ethan coaxed as he kissed the top of your head. "Now, some of those look real new, yeah?"

You parted your lips to retort, but Ethan cut you off before you could start.

"I'm not mad, bambina, I promise." Ethan coaxed. "I just want to get you cleaned up is all. Yeah, we don't want those getting infected or anything icky. C'mere, I think there's some stuff in the bathroom." He grabbed your hand to lead you down the hall.

"No, E, it's okay, really."

A small frown marked Ethan's face. "(Y/N)?" He asked softly. "You don't...you don't clean them, do you?"

You looked to your feet. "I haven't in a while. Nothing's ever happened. I don't go that deep."

Ethan's frown only tightened. "Now's not a good time to test that theory, come on. Let's go get those cleaned."

You reluctantly followed him to the bathroom, sitting down on the countertop as he dug around in the cabinets below you.

You felt bad for ruining the makeout session like that, but you knew better than to assume Ethan cared about something so shallow.

"Now..." Ethan started, rising from the cabinets with rubbing alcohol and cotton balls. "This is going to sting, but here's hand. Just...do what you got to do, okay? I'll be quick."

You nodded timidly, prematurely clutching onto his hand. You squeezed your eyes shut as you caught a glimpse of him pouring the alcohol out. Ethan felt all of your muscles tensing.

"Do you want a countdown?" He asked, kissing all over your face, making sure to not drip any of the alcohol onto your skin.

You bit your lip and shook your head. "Just go."

"Okay." He laid one more kiss to your face and pressed the cotton round onto your cuts.

Instantly, your body tensed, shaking at it's height as you nearly broke every bone in Ethan's hand. He didn't mind.

"It's okay, it's okay." Ethan cradled you as your body shook in response. "I got you. You're doing so well, only two more, yeah?"

You opened your tear filled eyes to see Ethan's equally tearful ones. "Okay. Just go again."

"Okay, principessa." Ethan kissed you softly and poured some more alcohol out. "Do you want a countdown for this one?"

"No." You mustered an answer, though your body was still in shock from the first go around.

Ethan nodded, but his own heart clenched at the sight of the next cut he was tending to. The overlapping hashes were the deepest of the newer cuts. He knew this one was going to hurt, badly.

Ethan pulled you against his chest now, instead of waiting until you were already shocked. "Breathe. Breathe. Breathe." He coaxed as your whole body trembled in his arms as the alcohol hit your cuts once more.

This time, a shrill scream of sorts broke past your lips as hot tears rolled down your cheeks.

"Shh, shh, baby, it's okay. It's okay." Ethan cried along with you, rocking you softly on the counter.

"We won't do the other one. Not tonight." He whispered, rubbing your back as you shook off the second shock. "That last one's not as bad. We'll get some Neosporin on that one and we can alcohol 'em later, okay?"

You nodded rapidly, the idea of not feeling that shock again sounding like the best idea you've ever heard.

Ethan eased you back to a standing position from the countertop.

"Now..." You tried to even out your breaths, but your voice was shakier than desired. "Where were we?"

Tears were still running and drying to your face as you laced your fingertips back into Ethan's hair.

"Baby, stop." Ethan smiled softly, appreciating the sentiment. "Not tonight."

"But I...I ruined the mood we had going, and--"

Ethan pressed his finger to your lips. He made sure not to touch your lips with the parts of his fingertips that had long been calloused by drumsticks.

"No, shh, none of that. You didn't ruin anything, yeah?" Ethan kissed your cheek once more. "I'd love nothing more to go back to that, and remind you tonight just how much of a star that you are, however I know you're not in the right headspace for that."

You frowned. "No, Ethan, if you want to have--"

Ethan shook his head once more. "I don't. I don't want you consenting to anything you don't truly want to, okay?"

You nodded softly. "Okay. Are you sure?"

"I'm more than sure." Ethan kissed the top of your head. "Now, go pick a movie and I'll bring you back a pair of my sweatpants, okay? The gray ones are your favorite, right?"

~~~~~

WORD COUNT
1307