Shattering The Surfaces

Chapter Five Confusion

Quick Note: The picture on the right is of Jonathan (Chris Pine) Yum! The song is Chicago Hard To Say I'm Sorry, most of the lyrics fit for parts of the chapter. Enjoy!

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I stayed clear of Jonathan after that. The way I was beginning to feel around him confused me and I didn’t know what it could mean. I didn’t want to know. All the secrets were taking their toll on me. So I shut down.

It also bothered me that he didn’t make an attempt to talk to me either. There were always two conflicting emotions, gratitude and hurt that he was avoiding me as much as I was him.

Tony and Monique seemed oblivious to what happened. I assumed they didn’t want to bring it up and let us be. I never asked about what Jon had told me either. There was no point. Sure it still pissed me off that there was so much being hidden amongst my closest friends. I just didn’t care right now.

Jon and I still had to deal with each other for Astronomy class. But that was the only time we spoke to each other and it was all business. Eventually we would have to start working on the project outside of the classroom. We both had done significant research over the past two weeks so that time was drawing Nye. Neither of us was speaking up yet.

I didn’t go out, didn’t feel like it. Tony bugged me a couple of times but I put my foot down and for once Tony didn’t fight me on it. Maybe it was because of my attitude at school, how quiet I had gotten and how Jon mirrored my behavior. Or he thought I was sticking to my father’s order to not hang out with him right now. I was grateful he wasn’t pushing me lately.

I hardly even went to the group home. I wasn’t depressed just confused and wanted to keep to myself. I relied too heavily on Tony and Jon and look where that has gotten me. So I sat and observed. Now that I knew Monique and Tony liked each other it was quite obvious. Except, neither seemed to know the other did themselves. Frankly, it was quite amusing to watch.

Ignoring what I was feeling for Jonathan was difficult. I scoured my brain to figure out what his questions were about from some frolic Tony and I came back from over the summer but nothing was coming to me. I think I was afraid to remember. A buzz from my phone made me jump and pulled me back down to earth as I sat quietly at the lunch table amongst Tony and Monique.

Today, two weeks after the senior party, Jonathan was not sitting with us. Swimming started soon so he was off with his team across the cafeteria. Having him in my thoughts, my eyes darted over to where he sat. He was smiling and my heart ached in my chest strangely since I hadn’t seen him smile around me like that since the party.

When his head started to turn in my direction, I looked down quickly grateful for the excuse my phone just provided and opened the text message.

‘Abs I need you at the group home today please’

I frowned at my father’s text and replied that I would be there. I had only been back three times since the party and hardly gotten to see Levi. Who was able to tell something was wrong with me but we never got a chance for some privacy since I was preoccupied and filing in my dad’s office. I would leave fairly quickly trying to avoid all confrontation lately so I could think. Fat lot of good it did me. I didn’t have any more answers now than I did two weeks ago.

Sighing, I texted Jonathan to tell him my dad needed me at the group home so he would have to drop me off there after school. Immediately after hitting the send button I looked over at him to see his reaction.

I watched as his head looked down to his pocket and pulled out his phone, no expression yet on his face as he looked at who it was from. His profile was what I was seeing and I couldn’t help but notice the strong muscular and angular strength and contours of his face and how gorgeous he was.