Our Germ//UshiSakuAtsu//Mafia AU

⁖ Emotional Detachment (Pt:1) ⁖

Ushijima's P.O.V ~

Hearing that news I could feel everything inside me run cold.

I had already been struggling with myself internally to maintain my emotions that continued bubbling up to the surface, making me as hormonal as a teenage girl on her period and that annoyed me.

I'm not supposed to be this weak.... What's wrong with me?

This question plagued me ever since I started looking at Atsumu and Sakusa differently. I had always known that my relationship with Sakusa was beyond a boss/member one and it was way past a friend/friend one as well since I never considered us as friends from the moment I met him.

What I did know was that this pounding in my heart whenever he was kind to me and the throbbing I would feel whenever he looked at another was not something a friend or close person should be feeling for the one I am bond to protect.

But I simply ignored it at the time the same way I ignored all the rest of my unruly emotions but after the first time I laid eyes on Atsumu everything just went to complete shit.

My emotions were off the wall and I had no way to stop them and if I'm being honest deep down I didn't even want to.

I let my feelings for him go and after that late night conversation I had with Sakusa that seemed like forever ago now, was the thing that gave me a moment of clarity.

I loved them both...

After finally realizing it I had no idea of what to do with these feelings since I always had them trained out of me so I was a heartless beast made only to serve and protect.

With that in mind I simply gave up the idea of entertaining the three of us together, why would anyone love me anyway? Let only two people, it just wasn't possible so I simply tried to ditch my feelings but after Atsu was kidnapped I no longer had any control over myself as those denied feelings and sensations began to rise.

Now after all of that we find out he might not wake up for an entire three months and let's not forget any longer than that and he'll turn into a vegetable so we could be losing him in two different ways.

(A/N: For those who don't know, a vegetable is when someone is awake but shows zero signs of awareness or brain activity)

My brain and heart were having a screaming match as I tried to calm myself down but my brain wanted to snap Shirabu's neck even though all he did was his job while my heart simply wished to hold Atsu close until he woke up in my arms.

Sakusa was still talking to Shirabu about his treatments sounding all calm but I could sense the pending breakdown that was just waiting to spill over once Shirabu was out of the house.

I could still feel the tender feeling of my skin as I was reminded of how just a few moments ago he was sitting underneath boiling water in the shower completely oblivious to how his beautiful skin was turning red and irritated from the heat.

I still recall all the times he's struggled with his feelings and ended up either burning himself in the shower or freezing himself in there all because he couldn't get out of his head enough to realize the harm he was inflicting on himself.