words you hear on a sinking ship | lil peep

[6]

the next day

i peered into the gap of the slightly ajar door. brayden was asleep on the couch, creating the exact situation i needed. "okay" i whispered to myself. it was 7pm, so he'd definitely be waking up soon so i had to go. i walked with gentle steps down the hall, careful not to make any floor boards creak.

i didn't hear any movement from upstairs, so i quickly checked my phone to make sure he hadn't texted me. i carefully took my keys off of the hook, trying not to let them clang together. it didn't really matter if brayden ended up seeing me leave, but the less explaining and improvising i have to do the better.

i opened the back door just enough that i could squeeze of if it, closing it slowly and letting the deadbolt turn back into place. i was pretty well in the clear now, as long as my car didn't wake him.

i successfully made it to the end of the road without being noticed, so i took out my phone to text brayden. i told him i was going to ' claire's" for the evening at least. i was friends with a girl name claire technically, i just rarely hung out with any of my friends. hopefully he'd buy it.

"hey siri" i said, waiting for the response from apple car play. "call gus" i told it. "calling gus" the automated robot voice said. it rang a couple of times, and then a couple more. on the last ring he picked up the phone, "hello?" he asked. "hi" i said, smiling. "what you want sweetheart?" he asked. "are you home?" i replied, with another question. "i told you i'm always home, why?" he asked me. "okay. stay there" i said, and hung up the call. i wanted it to be a little bit of a surprise.

i followed the same route the gps has taken me the other day to gus' house. i pulled into the unmaintained gravel driveway, my tires shaking a little under the different terrain. there was an extra car here that wasn't here last time, it must be one of his roommates. i think bray said there was 2 others when he mentioned it before.

i went up the set of creaky, rotting wooden stairs and knocked on the door, happier to be here than i was last time. the door knob turned, the door almost opened into me. gus stood on the other side of the door with a switchblade firm in his hand.

once he saw my face, realizing who it was his grip on the blade loosened, opening the door a bit more. "jesus christ, you don't need to try and kill everyone that shows up at your door" i told him, letting myself in. "it's just for safety that's why you gotta tell me when you're showing up from now on, okay?" he asked, putting the knife back into his pocket.

"what are you doing here anyways?" he asked. "i came to see you" i said. "and?" he asked, brushing his lip with his thumb. "oh, do you not want to see m-?" i started to ask, but he cut me of. "shh, yeah i do. just like, why me?" he asked.

"i don't know. you're nice" i said. "i'm not nice allie, you know what. how does brayden feel about you being here?" he asked. i took a sharp inhale at the mention of his name. "oh" gus said. "he doesn't know you're here" he realized. "he's not my dad" i said. "i know. i'm not gonna do shit, relax" he said. "but i know brayden and i know he certainly doesn't want his precious baby sister hanging out with me, so why is she standing in my kitchen?" he asked, but mostly talking to himself.

"i just think you-" i started to speak. "no, no. you don't think i'm nice or cool or any thing like that. brayden told you not to see me so here you are. he told you no so of course you're gonna do it. didn't have a dad but you had him, so here's your little teenage rebellion, doing the one thing he said not to. your little bad boy fantasy or whatever it is to you" gus said, walking circles around me.

"no, that's not true" i argued. "oh it's absolutely true, i just read you like a book and i don't wanna hear about it" he told me. "but it's not—" i said, before he cut me off again "it's true. i know it. you know it, don't pretend like it isn't" he said. "okay, like, maybe some of it. like a tiny little part of my brain" i said, giving in. he was mostly right.

"atta girl. you know i'm right" he said. "but i don't care why you're here. you're here, so what did you want to do?" he asked. "um. i don't really know" i told him, realizing i didn't really come here with a plan. "it's okay by the way, you'll either love me or lose me. guess we'll find out" he smirked.

"uh, um okay" i stuttered. i don't really know what i was thinking coming here to a beautiful man who was now walking all over my thoughts, crushing any valid reasoning i'd tried to create to be here.

"come sit" he said, taking my hand to lead me to the couch. i began to sit, "ah-ah" gus mumbled, stopping me. he pulled me slightly off-centre on to his lap where he was sitting in the corner of the couch. "get comfy" he told me. "i think we'd be kinda hot together anyways" he told me, running his fingers over my throat, then tilting my head slightly towards him.