words you hear on a sinking ship | lil peep

[18]

there was a gentle tap on the door, i turned around to open the door. i didn't think much of it. usually it's just a nurse or someone else who works at the hospital.

"he's aslee— what the fuck" i said, expecting there to be a nurse on the other side of the door. "oh. i didn't think you'd be here this early" gus said, who was standing on the other side of the door. "i usually sleep here" i told him. "oh" he frowned.

i looked at my watch, it was 6 in the morning, i was shocked he was awake at this time. "well, you gonna get lost or what?" i asked him. "what do you mean?" he asked. "i mean leave. i was pretty clear with my rules wasn't i?" i asked, trying to shut the door.

"give me one minute" he said, jamming his foot in the crack between the door and wall. "can i have 5 minutes? please? i got up early to avoid you, plus you never really told me when you would or wouldn't be here " he said. "and that's not my problem" i told him, trying to push the door shut.

"allie. just listen" he said. "what? why do you wanna see him so bad. you did this to him. this is your fault " i reminded him once again. "i didn't think it would end up like this. i got carried away. i just meant to teach him a lesson not land him in the hospital. and it was all for you. for us. so we could be together and stop hiding" he said.

"don't feed me that bullshit about it being for us. i don't care what you meant to do. i care what happened, and now he's in there holding on by a thread" i snapped, starting to get a little angry.

"allie, calm down" he said. "don't fucking tell me to calm down" i told him. "now leave before i get security" i added. "5 minutes? please allie" he asked. "5 minutes and you leave us alone forever?" i asked. "fine, just 5 minutes and i'll go" he said. "promise?" i asked. "promise" he said. "okay. but i'm staying right here" i told him, firmly planting my feet at the door after letting him in the room. "okay then" he said.

he slowly approached the bed brayden was laying in, looking over him. he shook his head to himself, "fuck man. i'm sorry" he spoke to him. "i honestly didn't mean for it to end like this. you don't have to forgive me i just you to know i'm sorry. i fucked up bad. i lost you and allie. i don't know what i've done" he rambled.

brayden still laid motionless. he'd honestly just been getting worse. i was losing all hope of having him back to normal. he was just going to end up brain dead in a hospital bed for the rest of his life.

"allie said you aren't doing well. pull through man. i need you to. her and i both" he said to brayden. when gus said my name again braydens face twitched ever so slightly, he struggled to open his eyelids. he just looked at gus for a few seconds. "bastard" he said to gus in a harsh, disapproving tone.

his face fell once again, his eyes slipping closed. gus sighed and began to turn around. "it's been 5" he said to me. "yep, bye" i said. as gus took a step towards me one of the machines that brayden was hooked up to started beeping rapidly, then another one set off some kind of alarm. then all of the machines were beeping and screeching in some way.

"oh my god" i said lunging towards him. "brayden no!" i screamed at him, having no clue what was going on. the line on the screen that indicated his heart rate began to slow, each rise and fall being farther apart.

a herd of nurses and doctors came rushing into the room the next second, "what's wrong with him? help him!" i cried to one of the nurses. "we're going to hun. i'll just need both of you guys to leave the room for a bit okay. we've got him but we need to work on him in here okay?" she asked. "okay, please don't let him die" i cried. "we will do our best" she said, returning to the medical team.

he was crashing and i didnt know what was happening or what to do. "allie, we've got to get out of here" gus said, grabbing my arm and leading me out of the room. "don't touch me" i said, trying to swat his arm away. "what's happening?" he asked. "he's fucking dying because of you! he's crashing!" i screamed at gus in the hallway.

"allie. shh. there's other people in here" he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. "you fucking killed him. he's dying. he's dying in there because of you" i said, beginning to sob. the back of my body hit the wall, i slid down to the floor and cried into my knees.

"al i know this is scary and you hate me and you can scream and me and hit me all you want but we have to get out of this hall okay? they want us to go to the waiting room" he said. i didn't know what to do anymore, i didn't care. i fell slightly limp, letting him lift me up off of the floor and guide me down the hall to the waiting room. i cried the whole time, unable to produce any words.

"leave" i finally managed to get out. "al i know you hate me. rightfully so. but i'm not leaving you alone right now" he said. "i'd rather be alone than with you" i told him. "you can ignore me but i'm not leaving you here alone right now allie. he'll be fine but i'm staying with you until we get an update" he stated firmly.

"fine just don't talk to me, don't look at me" i sobbed, getting up and moving to the end of the row of chairs, the farthest away from him as i could get.

a/n
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