words you hear on a sinking ship | lil peep

[23]

"what do you need to talk about?" i asked him. "us" he said. "what about us?" i asked.

"i want you back. i miss you. i don't know what to do without you" he told me, taking both my hands. i pulled both of my hands away. "gus" i said. "what?" he asked, his anxiety trembling out of his voice.

"i can't be with you"  i told him. he dropped my hands, staring at me with despair. "allie" his voice shook. "i can't lose you too" he cried. "i'm sorry" i told him. "but it's for the best. i love you, but unfortunately blood is thicker than water here" i added.

"please don't do this" he begged. "i have to" i told him, taking his hand back. "we can still check in from time to time, but we can't be together. gus it isn't right, i can't do that to brayden. i dont think i can ever find it in myself for things to be one hundred percent normal between us again" i told him.

"allie please, just one more chance. i'll do everything right, anything you need or want. i promise" he pleased to me. "gus i'm really sorry but no, maybe we can be together in another life. just not this one anymore" i told him.

he looked at me full of disappointment and sadness. i could tell he was absolutely gutted. "i'm sorry" i told him. i knew he was hurting.

we couldn't be together. it was too wrong. exes or not, love each other or not, he still killed brayden. even if he didn't mean it. even if it was "for us"

"gus" i said, looking up at him through tears eyes. "yeah?" he asked. "i love you but i think you should go" i told him, bringing my hand to my eye to stop a tear from rolling down my face.

he sighed, i could tell he knew this was coming. "okay" he agreed. "i'll see you...around" he hesitated. "yeah, around" i agreed.

"bye allie" he said, "bye gus" i whispered as he turned and walked away from me.

my heart broke all over again watching him walk away. this was the end.

i'd lost both gus and brayden but the world once again proved it wasn't possible to have both of them. deep down i knew that all along, i just didn't expect it to be under these circumstances.

my world was shattering, no parents, no brother, no friends, no gus. now, i was completely alone. i didn't have anyone.

the story of gus and i were words you hear on a sinking ship. a moments of happiness and positivity before inevitable tragedy. you know how the orchestra on the titanic played while it sank to "keep peoples spirits up?". that's what our relationship was to my life before we hit the bottom. before i hit the bottom. i had drowned and there was no coming back up.

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