words you hear on a sinking ship | lil peep

[7]

"you think?" i asked him. "yeah, but you don't wanna die with a guy like me" he said, running a hand through his hair. "why not?" i asked. "so naïve, you don't know the first thing about me princess" he shook his head. "well i could learn" i told him, turning back to look at him. "eager on me aren't ya?" he asked, but it sounded more like a rhetorical question.

"well, let's see how long we can make this thing last before your brother kills me and harvests my organs" gus said, laughing a little. speaking of him, i checked my phone for any texts or calls from him. all he said to me about going to my 'friends' was "okay have fun", so so far so good. i knew this was wrong, but i liked it because it was wrong. i loved it.

"he won't" i said, "he definitely will but i appreciate the enthusiasm" gus said. i was still on his lap, trying to shift my weight around so i was more comfortable, without hurting him. "you staying the night?" he asked me. "i can" i told him. "good" he said, letting his hand trail down my spine.

"get up for a second sweetheart?" he asked, gently helping me off of him. he sat down beside me, digging through his pockets. "what do you do?" he asked me, while pulling out a little bag of coke, throwing it down on the table. "oh, i don't have a job right now" i answered. "no, like, what drugs do you do? how you like to get high?" he asked.

"oh" i said, a slight blush rushing to my cheeks. of course that's what he meant. "i've never done any" i told him, honestly. "really? never even smoked weed? especially with your brother doing what he does?" he asked, sounding quite surprised. i shook my head. "you're too perfect, i'm gonna ruin you" he said, turning to me and brushing his thumb across my cheek. i blinked slowly a few times, staring at him wide eyed, unsure of what to say.

"so, you wanna try?" he asked, prepping a line on the coffee table. "okay" i agreed. "you don't have to" he reminded me. "i know. i want to" i said. he nodded at me. he rolled up a dollar bill in his hands, turning it into a stiff tube shape. "hold this" he said, placing it in my fingers. "inhale through the bill, hold the other side of your nose. inhale as sharply as you can, try and do it as quickly as possible too. it'll feel a bit uncomfortable at first but it's fine" he instructed me.

"okay" i said, taking in his explanation. i contemplated the choice for a second. i ultimately bent forward, following what gus told me to do. i felt the powder travel up my nose, my body snapped back up from the table, immediately rubbing my nose. "good girl, not bad" gus said approvingly. "feels weird" i said. "i know. just wait a few minutes, you'll feel better" he told me.

gus followed suit, cleaning a few lines off the table. "come here" he said, inviting me back closer to him and putting his arm around my shoulders. "is someone else here?" i asked. "you seeing things or something?" he asked. "no, there was another car in the driveway when i got here" i told him. "oh. just tracy. he lives here too but i think he's asleep upstairs" he told me.

"my head feels funny" i grumbled to him, "i know. just give it some time" he told me. he placed one hand on my back, rubbing a few circles around it.

a few more minutes had passed, the uncomfortableness had been numbed. i felt on high alert, but not completely out of my own head. "can i do another?" i asked. "already? you sure?" gus asked. "yeah it doesn't feel like enough" i told him. "it never does baby, that's how i ended up here. just hold on a little longer" he advised me. "okay. why do you like doing it so much then?" i asked him.

"chatty one aren't you? but it helps me not think for a while. be numb. i told you, you hardly know a thing about me " he told me. "if you're sad you can talk to me you know. i'm here now, you have me. don't worry about brayden i'll worry about brayden. do you need to talk about anything?" i rambled.

"i'm far past saving allie. you're so naïve and innocent, you wouldn't get it. but apparently you're just like an angel showing up my my house. maybe you're exactly what i need" he told me, struggling to chain his thoughts together as he spoke.

i smiled empty minded at him. we were both sitting on the couch , facing each other now. when. i wasn't expecting it, gus leaned into me, kissing me with a bit of force as he held both sides of my neck. my eyes widened as i felt the energy from the kiss, this was powerful. he didn't pull away until after a couple seconds. his forehead rested against mine, only parting our faces by a few inches.

"kiss me" he told me, his breathing slowed and slightly heavy. as he wished i placed my lips back on his, he moved forward so that he was leaning over me slightly. i kept both hands clasped behind him while he laid me down on the couch, not breaking the kiss once.

"you wanna go upstairs?" he asked. "yeah" i nodded, letting him take my hand and lead me back to his room.