words you hear on a sinking ship | lil peep

[11]

"you know you don't owe them anything right allie?" gus asked me. "no. i do" i told him. brayden made that very obvious. "you're an adult. they're adults. no one owes anyone anything" he said. "you don't understand though. he still pays for the house and in that moment brayden just made me feel so guilty. ugh, i don't know what to do with myself" i sighed, resting my head in my hands.

"why don't we go outside? we can go for a walk. you need to clear your head" gus suggested. "yeah, okay" i agreed. i didn't know what was best for me right now so i let him decide. "you stay here as long as you need, okay? you understand?" he asked. "yeah. okay. thanks" i mumbled. "gus?" i asked, speaking up a bit. "what's up?" he asked as we walked towards the door. "why have you been so nice to me? we met under such...odd...circumstances. i thought the first time would have been the last time we ever saw each other" i pointed out.

not that i was complaining, but it was a bit strange to be how quickly he took me in. without any hesitation too. it was risky for both of us because of brayden, gus had almost entirely sacrificed his friendship with brayden for me. why?

"you're just special allie. accept it" he told me, opening the door for us to walk out. "i want a better answer" i said, turning to look him in the eye. "someone needs to look after you, plus you ended up being pretty cool too." he expanded, barely. "i don't get it", my face twisting with confusion.

"the first time i saw you, you had this innocent, painfully innocent fear in your eyes. you had no business doing what you were doing. obviously no one was looking over you properly, and don't give any bullshit about brayden being there for you because he was the one who sent you. you needed me. someone who can protect you, you're lost on your path even if you don't see it" he paused between words, genuinely trying to articulate a meaningful response.

he placed his hand on my back to guide me down the stairs from the porch. "okay" i said, accepting his response. "and?" he asked, expecting more from me. "what does that mean?, for us? what is this? what are we, what's happening here?" i asked, throwing a million questions at him at once.

"y'know, curiosity killed the cat" he said, stepping closer to me. "huh?" i asked, unsure of the direction he was heading in. he said nothing. he just looked at me, his gaze rolling down to my lips and my neck, then back to my eyes. there was a moment of silence, then he leaned down and kissed me. right there in the middle of the sidewalk. "you're my girl okay?" he said, pulling away. "but wh—" i began, "shh. you're my girl. you're mine, no one touches you okay?" he interrupted.

i had no idea what he meant still, but i understood not to question it further. "okay" i nodded. "good" he said, continuing to walk down the road. my breathing grew slightly heavier as i walked faster, trying to keep up with gus. "keep up" he said, grabbing my hand to drag me along with him.

"oh my god he won't stop calling me" i groaned, unlocking my phone for the first time in a while. gus plucked my phone out of my hand, putting it in his own pocket. "what are you doing?" i asked him. "i told you baby, you're not worrying about that right now" he told me.

"you want to sit for a minute?" i asked him, pointing at the bench we were approaching. "if you want to" he said. he reached his arm over me while we sat. i truly tried to relax for the first time in forever, letting my head rest against his shoulder while i attempted to force all of my thoughts and worries out of my head.

"smoke?" he asked, pulling the box out of his pocket. "no thank you" i told him. the lighter flicked twice, the scent of cigarette smoke began dispersing around us, the smoke trailing off into the air on an already dismal, grey day.

in the distance, just a few blocks up something caught my eye. all of my attention focused to the intersection up the road. my heart instantly started beating rapidly, my stomach dropped and i froze in the position i had been sitting in. "what's wrong allie?" gus asked. i struggled to get words out for a moment. "allie" gus prompted.

i pointed up the road at the cause of my panic. "what is it? it's just cars. talk to me" he encouraged. "the red car. the one a few blocks up at the light" i said. "okay a red car so what?" gus asked. "that's braydens fucking car" i said. "cmon you're just being paranoid. there's hundreds of red cars" he said. "no gus. that's his car. you can see the scrape on the bumper from here that's one hundred percent his fucking car" i said.

"you're sure?" he asked. "yes i'm fucking sure" i snapped. the next second, the light turned green and he began driving closer and closer to us by the second. i prayed for the next light to turn red at any second now. "what do we do?" gus asked. "i don't know he's definitely seen us by now. he can see us if we can see him" i reminded gus. "just go. walk back towards the house. i'll deal with it" he decided on the spot. "but" i tried to add. "no. go. go right now. i'll be home. wait for me" he said. "are you sure?" i asked.

"yes im sure now get the fuck out of here before you don't have a choice. i'll deal with him" he said, gently turning me in the direction of his house. "okay" i gave in. "don't hurt him please" i added, knowing what gus was capable of. he didn't say anything. "gus?" i asked, "promise you won't hurt him" i pleaded. "go. now." he said, turning away from me, ending the conversation.