I watch you take a step back whenever I try to close the gap between us. It was always like that, and I was always like this-nodding my head while trying to understand your side. I keep on telling myself, maybe he's not ready yet and that he will find his own way towards me once he's ready and so I waited.
I watch you pull away from me whenever I try to hug you tight. It was always like that, and I was always like this-letting you pull away from my embrace while convincing myself that you probably pulled away just because you can't breathe freely. I keep on pushing myself to you while you're lowkey pulling yourself away from me, and so I gave you space just so you could breathe.
I watch you watching her from the sidelines. There's sadness in your eyes and bitterness in your smile. It was always like that, and I was always like this-looking away and pretending that the way you look at her didn't bother me at night though it always do. I keep on trying to understand that before I came into your life, she's already there. And so I keep on holding on to your promise-one day you'll look at me the same way that you look at her.
I watch you break your heart out of loving her secretly. Palms restricting your mouth to utter even a single sound of pain. I was always like this, and you were always like that-not caring about my feelings at all as long as she's fine. I keep on fooling myself with lies just to feel the comfort that I never felt with you. Trying to understand that you can't give me more of you because you've already given it to her, without her asking you for it. She was always the queen and I was always the beggar, trying to beg for your love.
I'm tired of this kind of love-one which never became fair. It was always one sided, always unreciprocated.
It hurts so much and yet I am still here, beside you, watching how your eyes
stays fixated on her while I remain in the shadows, eyes forever fixated on you.
-Fixated by Angelica Espinas
Nonsensical 🌠
