WOUNDS OF YESTERDAY

WISH

WISH

We're on our way to the church. Today will be my wedding day with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

He is Elias. He is gay, but I love him. Kaya hindi naging problema 'yon sa akin. Tanggap ko siya. 'Yon ang mahalaga.

I still want to marry him, even though the reason behind his saying yes to this wedding is that he doesn't want to disappoint his dad. His family. For being true to himself.

Huminga ako nang malalim. Nasa tapat na kasi kami ng simbahan.

I'm about to get out of the car when someone knocks. Kaya hindi ko natuloy ang pagbukas ng pinto.

Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin. It's Elyse. His sister.

I opened the window, and she handed me a phone.

I was about to ask why when she spoke. "It's Kuya. He wants to talk to you."

I nodded. That is my sign for her to leave me.

"Eli,"wika ko.

["Carla..."]

"What is it, Eli? Hindi ka na ba makapaghintay. You'll see me later. Bakit ka pa tumawag?" Natatawa na wika ko. Magkikita rin naman kaming dalawa, nagawa pa niyang tumawag.

["I love you."]

Nangunot ang noo ko. "I know," I said while laughing. "And I love you too."

["Do you remember what you said to me?"] Natigil ako sa pagtawa, hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng kaba sa kaniyang sinabi.

"Y-yes," wika ko, kahit naguguluhan ako. Why does he need to ask? Seriously? Ngayon pa talaga on our wedding day?

May mali.

["You'll grant my one wish, right? One wish that will make me happy?"] Panigurado niya sa kabilang linya, tila duda pa siyang kaya ko 'yong tuparin.

"Yeah. Why are you asking it now? Is there something wrong?" Nag-aalala kong tanong.

["Thank you, Carla. Thank you for accepting me for who I really am. For loving me. For coming into my life. I appreciate it."]

"Why are you saying it now?" Kabado kong sabi, pero hindi niya nagawa na pansinin 'yong sinabi ko.

["Can you do me a favor, Carla?"]

Tumikhim ako. "Of course, what is it?"

Iba iyong pakiramdam ko, talagang may mali. Pilit kong pinapakalma ang sarili ko, dahil hindi puwedeng manguna iyong nararamdaman ko.

["Tell my dad, I'm not mad at him anymore."] Ramdam ko ang sakit sa kaniyang boses. ["Matagal ko na siyang pinatawad. Please tell him also that I love him."]

"I will, Eli."

["Before you grant my wish, I want to first say sorry."] He paused. ["I can't attend our wedding."]

"W-why?"

Halo-halo ang emosyon na nararamdaman ko, iyong kaba, paninikip ng dibdib. Iyong pagpipigil ng luha.

Hinintay ko pa ang sagot niya roon, umaasa na mas linawin niya sa akin ang kaniyang sinasabi, pero hindi niya man lang sinagot ang tanong ko.

["My one last wish is..."]

"E-Elias! No! No! Please," sigaw ko, pero huli na dahil nakarinig na ako ng malakas na pagbangga ng kotse at pagsabog.

So, that's his wish? Ang mawala sa mundo? Takbuhan ang kaniyang takot?

That's a lame reason!

But, at some point, I can't blame him. He's tired. Dama ko 'yon. Napagod na siyang lumaban. Gusto niya ng normal na buhay, walang panghuhusga, pero ipinagkait sa kaniya.

He wants to be happy. To be accepted, kung sino at ano siya.

But life is really unfair. Also, the people around him.

That it needs to come to the point where he needs to end his life, like it's the only solution to it. Only because he is not accepted for who he is.