baby blue • rafe cameron

seventeen

the next few days were all another blur, it was random people moving in and out of my hospital room, giving me their love and prayers. topper's family had come by, so had the cameron's and carrera's. i'd been so weak and not able to eat anything, along with having close to two seizures a day. and rafe stuck through every single one of them. he never budged from next to me and he didn't let anyone get too close to me.

it was currently close to midnight and he was asleep on the recliner next to my bed, facing me as he was curled up under a blanket. my dad had fallen asleep on the cot in the corner of the room. my mom and the twins were at home, as beckett was finally off his suspension tomorrow.

i was wide awake, sitting in that hospital room, my eyes focused on rafe's body. i was glad he'd finally fallen asleep, he'd been up for almost a week now.

i heard the handle jiggle as i shut my eyes, letting it open and close before i opened them again. i saw doctor stewart walking over to me.

"hi gracelynn," she smiled, speaking softly. "are you feeling okay?"

"yeah," i said.

"well i wanted to come and check on you before i head out for the night. i'll be back in the morning or if anything happens, okay?"

i nodded but reached over and grabbed her arm.

"what are we doing next?" i asked. "do i just lay here and die?"

"we're still trying to decide what route may be best for you."

"what are the options?"

"we could jump straight to chemo, we could do surgery to remove the chunk on your brain and then go to chemo, or we could just leave it..." she said. "i'll be back in the morning to make the final decision and talk it over with you and your parents."

"i don't want to do it." i shook my head.

"do what?"

"i don't want to waste it, my life, i mean. i don't want to be poked and drain, radiated." i shook my head. "i just want to go home, sleep in my own bed."

she nodded, "we'll talk in the morning. do you want some sleep medication?"

"no, i'm okay." i told her.

"see you tomorrow." she replied and walked out. i shift, looking over to rafe whose eyes were now open, looking at me.

"hey," i said softly.

"you're giving up?" he asked.

"its not going to help." i told him. "a surgery could damage my brain, and then i'm useless for the rest of my life. chemo will make me worse and weaker than i already am. at least this way, i can control what i do before i die."

he sat up, sitting forward.

"what do you want to do?"

"i want to swim again, go to the beach and just swim." i shrugged. "i want to ride a boat again, feel the breeze on my face. ride another horse, run through a field of flowers, go to one last party, go to midsummers again, the yearly bonfire..."

he smiled, standing before grabbing me face gently and kissing me.

"i'm going to make it all happen." he said.

"midsummers is so far away." i said. "so is the bonfire, i don't know if i'll make it that long."

"shut your pretty face up and trust me." he whispered.

"i love you." i smiled, watching him.

"i love you too." he nodded.

"lay with me?"