Friends of mine.

Chapter 23.

Confused doesn't even cover what I'm feeling. I can't describe the emotions and thoughts that are going through my head as I sit backstage, our last show, and the silence between Nick and the rest of us is daunting. He looks completely lost, he's somewhere else, like he's here but... he isn't. He keeps just staring blankly in front of himself, it's so hard not to sit beside him and comfort him, where's his smile gone? Where's his witty comments and excited squeals he gives before every show?
It makes me feel slightly better since he isn't talking to any of us, it kind of lets me know it might not be me who made him feel this way, I really hope it wasn't, it would only make me feel horrible if it was me and I couldn't even remember the reason, what if he's mad I don't?
God, I don't know.
The rest laugh and converse, and I so badly want to join in, but instead I pretend I'm busy fixing myself up, when really all I can focus on is Nick, I keep finding myself looking at him every once and a while, watching his every move. I can't stomach talking and laughing with them while Nick just sits there picking at his nails.
"Come on! Let's all cheers this, our last show."
I jump out of my skin, turning around to see Simon, John and Roger get up from their seats, getting their bottles of beers from their table beside them.
I soon find my eyes meeting Nick's, and to my surprise, his are already on mine, and I can't help but feel nervous at his gaze that is heavy on me, making me soon turn away.
I get myself up from my seat, putting a smile on my face before I walk over to the rest of them.
I watch Nick slowly get up from his seat, grabbing his glass of wine, the rest of us with beers, even when he's like this, a small smile comes onto my face at the sight of him.
I let out a small gasp with a giggle when I feel Simon put his arm around me, bringing me close into his chest as he fluffs my hair.
I look to Nick again, with John's arm around his shoulders, yet he doesn't look to me, so I simply look away from him.

Nothing is distracting me from him, not the music, not the lights, the drinks, not even the drugs. I couldn't help but keep checking on him without actually talking to him, I knew he wasn't in the mood to speak, to anyone for that matter.
I can tell it's confusing the rest of them too, I told them he was acting strange and now they know what I mean, his eyes just dozing, only talking if spoken to, really the complete opposite of the Nick we know. I sit tight while I swirl the drink around in my glass, if I'm being completely honest I haven't been in the mood for drink or anything else for hours, after the show I just wanted to sleep, but I knew I had to go out, it's our last night.
Nick on the other hand, was ordering and ordering. Every time I look at him he's got a full drink and it's gone in seconds, it's worrying me like nothing else, he's drinking for two and I can't bare to see it, knowing he gets the worst of hang overs. It hurts more that he's so far away from me, sitting across the table, legs crossed with one shaking badly, a drink in hand and a cigarette hanging from his mouth, his eyes in a high looking state which doesn't surprise me, mouth completely shut, not once speaking.
I soon snap my eyes away from Nick when I feel a body slip in beside me, the smell of strong cologne and cigarette smoke filling my lungs; I sigh deeply, keeping my eyes forward as I know who it is, I had a feeling John would be over to me soon, without looking I can still tell he's definitely tipsy.

"Nick hasn't spoken one word since we got here."
He whispers close to my ear, both of us facing forward, no eye contact. I feel like John can sense the worry on my face, and it doesn't even bother me.

"I know. It's freaking me the fuck out, John."
I hiss, clenching onto my glass tighter, studying Nick's every move, I think John is doing the same.

"I've never seen him so quiet. It's like he's been muted."

I groan in annoyance, folding my arms at his words, I suddenly feel John's eyes on me.

"And you're definitely sure you didn't do or say anything to him? Nothing that could have upset him?"

I soon turn to face John, meeting his eyes with my eyebrow raised, a scoff escaping my lips.
Does he seriously think I'm the one who made Nick feel upset?