Friends of mine.

Chapter Thirty Five.

I watch him, latching onto me as I listen to his soft breathing. There's so much I want to say to him, so much I want to talk about, but I know he is not well, and I don't know if he's ready; but he was ready, he told me so, maybe it's just not the right place and time, right?
His eyes soon flicker open, as if he was reading my mind, I wanted to see his eyes, and now I feel warmth as they stare into mine.

"Thanks for being here."
He whispers with a smile, his voice has a warmth to it, and he makes me feel emotional with his words.

"I wish you would stop saying that, why would I not be here?"
I ask, tracing my hand down his chest and resting it upon his arm; he sits up, a small groan escapes his lips in pain, his eyes closing shut.

"I feel I can't thank you enough. You know I still feel bad for what I done."
To be fair I still think about how I felt during that time. I still recall how lost I was and how hurt I was, but Nick was hurting too, none of us were in the right state of mind and it's not right to hold it against him now.

"You were hurting. I get that, I'm not cruel; I could see you trying."
I watch his dozy eyes look into mine, pouty lips on once again as my words have softened his features.

"You really do care, don't you?"
He asks, his voice is raspy, but still holding emotion within it.

"Of course."
I mumble, giving him a small smile as he smirks back, he looks so vulnerable, the state he's in with the surrounding makes it feel like he's dying, and it's terrifying.

"You make me feel safe. It's hard to describe it but anytime I'm with you, I know I'll be okay. You give me hope."
I swallow thickly, my face a rosey red as his words process in my head.
It's strange knowing that Nick always felt that way about me, that I always made him feel safe; I don't even know why I do, maybe it's just hard for me to see it, but I was just being the best I could for him, I just wanted him to like me.

"Do you feel safe now?"
I ask with a smile, moving closer to him as I grasp his hand tighter.
He nods with a smile, although he looks like he has other things he wants to say, he looks nervous, maybe even scared, hesitant to say or do something and I don't know what it is.

"I've never had someone like you before, y'know? Someone who wants to protect me."
His eyes look glossy, and I realise he's thinking of his dad. I know he's not in the right state of mind and clearly hasn't been since he died.

"Well," I begin, taking a deep breath as I trace my fingers along his knuckles, his skin is soft and warm, pale skin showing veins on his hand.
I prepare for what I want to say, thinking of how to word it in my head.

"I would do anything in the world for you, Nick, I realise that now. It's slightly scary, but it's true."
My words hang in the air as he sighs deeply, his head down and eyes focused on our hands, his bottom lip quivering slightly, eyebrows furrowed.
Did I say the wrong thing? My heart begins to race as I watch his whole face expression change before I can blink.

"Hey... You alright?"
I ask, tilting my head to the side as the silence was far too loud for me to handle, I never know what he's thinking, I always think I do, but in moments like these it's hard to tell.
He shakes his head, taking a deep breath as his eyes snap to my face, studying me closely, thinking as he does.

"Andy,"
He speaks up, and I swallow thickly, the sudden change of his tone leaves me worried. My leg beginning to bounce up and down; what did I do?

"Yes?"
I reply, staring into his eyes and waiting for his to meet mine, and I can tell he's finding that difficult to do right now.

"Can I tell you something?"
I raise a brow, his hand feeling heavy in mine, my thumb over his wrist, feeling his pulse beating, it's quicker now.
He looks at me, and I give him a nod and smile, maybe to help him? I'm really not sure what to do, he's unpredictable these days, I used to know him like the back of my hand, and I still do in ways, but now it's something I have to think about.