Book Of Realizations

Page 38

240/365

Day 240 of 365

I sometimes want to just disappear. Not in a suicidal way, but in a way that would help me heal and grow.

I don't want the people I love to be in pain, losing me would break them and I just can't and won't let that happen.

When I say I want to disappear, what I mean is to be somewhere else. Somewhere far and quite. A place where I can run and scream while raising my hands in the air. I'd be the happiest and I wouldn't owe anything to anyone. I wouldn't have to explain myself to the world, they'd either understand or not care at all.

I need a break from my life. Sadly, even a pause from reality is considered luxury. Not everyone can afford or is given a chance to experience peace. Freedom is priceless, yet I feel like it's out of reach. It's not handed out on the busy streets, nor lent to someone in need.

It must be nice to be able to hide from everyone and everything. Spend a day or two without having to worry about what people have to say or what to respond to the things they've said.

There are times wherein our energy doesn't match the energy of the ones that surrounds us. I don't feel like I owe them an explanation as to why I'm distant and unresponsive.

As much as I want to stay connected to my friends and family, I also enjoy my own company.

If only it's easy to just say it out loud. The desire to shut everything down, run away from the chaos, be at peace with no one else but ourselves, and get lost in the deafening silence.

Whether it's in front of the crystal ocean or on top of a green mountain, I don't care. As long as it's not in the dark maze of my thoughts. Sipping tea in front of a canvas with a colorful wide landscape on it is a dream I'd love to live in.

I sometimes imagine how nice it would be if we could literally write our own destinies. Sketch the settings, build the characters, sew the flow and form the plot from beginning to end.

But then if that imagination would turn into reality, life would be meaningless. Things would be handed to us without having to work for it, that sounds unrewarding. Life may be tough, but at least we get to appreciate the good things in life only because we've witnessed the worst.

Life is something that we all know very well, yet it is also something that we can never fully explain. It's a mystery. It's a blur that we continue to stare at. Whenever things are blurry, we don't just close our eyes... We try to understand and interpret it as much as we can.

If things seem blurry, abstract or messy. Try and take a step back, maybe you're standing way too close in front of a bigger picture. Or try and come closer, maybe you're not there yet.

Whichever step you take, make sure you don't trip, fall and break.