Book Of Realizations

Page 35

237/365

Day 237 of 365

The toxic people in our lives are the ones we care about the most.

I've heard and read a lot of things about how to spot a toxic person or how to cut them off in our lives. But what I haven't encountered yet is people talking about how hard it actually is to let the rotten one go.

Ever bought a bunch of mangoes, brought them home and only then you realize that one of them is bruised. I bet you wouldn't throw it away immediately. Disappointed, that could be your initial reaction. Despite the disappointment, you'd still hope it doesn't taste as bad as it seems. Even though the sign is as clear as the bright blue sky, your faint hope would still make you hold on to that small possibility of the mango tasting good.

That's how I feel.

This person is toxic and is harming me emotionally and mentally. The same person who's making life difficult for me, is the same person who's been with me my entire life.

Cutting them off sounds very impossible. Telling them how I feel already seems like an illegal act, what more if I let those feelings swallow us both? What will I have left with me? Not even myself.

They yell at me and call me names, they keep shoving words into my mouth, they expect me to be perfect. All of those and they still think I owe them something. They often make me question my worth and the purpose of my existence, invalidate my feelings whenever they have the chance to do so, blame me for the things that I have no control of, make fun of my insecurities and make me hate myself.

I overlook all of those blinding toxicity because I have so much love and respect for them.

It sucks.

I don't put up with all of these because I'm nice, I just don't have a choice.

If I have to go through all of these just to be called "strong", then the word "weak" is starting to sound like a pleasant compliment.

We can never judge those who put up with trashy people. Maybe there's an invisible chain that's holding them back. That chain can be made of anything; fear, love, hope, etc. Whatever material that the chain is made of, it sure is durable and difficult to break.

If you are in the same or a similar suffocating situation as I am in right now, I hope you find the right weapon to cut that chain. I hope you get to breathe freely, minus the unnecessary guilt. I hope and pray that you get all the help that you need.

It's already hard enough for people who are in an abusive relationship, household, or set up. Don't make it harder for them by making them feel like it's their fault that they're stuck and unable to remove themselves from the toxicity. Be sensitive of the words you say.

The words you don't want to hear should be the same words you'd never utter.

Some things are easy to say yet hard to do.

The only thing I can wish for right now is the wellness of the one reading this. We'll all someday find the rainbow after this long, painful, dark and heavy storm. I am certain of that. Please don't ever stop chasing that rainbow. 

Sending my warmest hugs, I hope it reaches you.