Our Little Secret (Noah Beck × Lil Huddy)

Who am I?

(Noah's perspective)

The sway boys were downstairs playing video games. They invited me, but I told them I was tired. I couldn't sleep that night, not after what happened earlier today. The kiss kept replaying in my head like a broken record. I was panicking so much when it happened that I couldn't even process what I was feeling. Everything happened so quickly.

I was trying really hard to ignore the situation throughout the day, but now it's night, and all I have is my thoughts. I layed down on my inflatable matress. All I had in my room was my luggage and the mattress. It was pretty empty, you could practically hear your own thoughts echo. It was hard to ignore them anymore.

I kissed a boy. Well, he kissed me first so it doesn't mean anything. But, then again, I kissed him back. Am I... gay? It wouldn't make sense if I was, because that would mean all my previous crushes on girls weren't real. That's bogus, of course they were real. Does that mean I'm bisexual? Maybe? I don't know. I don't like lil huddy in that way, i dont even know him. I can't be bi if I never had a crush on another guy before. But I felt something when we kissed. It wasn't a bad feeling, it felt... nice.

I've always seen myself as straight. But I don't think I would've enjoyed that kiss if I was fully straight. I don't know how to handle this. It's so terrifying. I thought I already knew who I was. I don't want to feel like this. If I ignore it, does it go away?

I stared up at the ceiling for a while. What else was there to say? After a while, I got up from my mattress, and walked into the bathroom to get ready for bed. I didn't want to think about it anymore, I just wanted to sleep. I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked deep into my eyes. I could see the reflection of light in my eyes. They looked so full of life. But, what else were they hiding from me?