Drive | Joult

Chapter 30

(Jennifer)

I wake up in an unfamiliar bed and I look beside me. There's Chris, still asleep. I'm extremely hung over. I slowly climb out of bed and put on my clothes, with tears silently streaming down my face. Then I tiptoe downstairs. I walk outside and surprisingly there aren't any paparazzi. I get into my car and I finally can breathe. I am so disgusted by myself. I just cheated on Nick, the one person I love more than anyone else. He's the one I married, so what am I doing here? I try to turn on my phone, but it's dead. I'm shaking like crazy, I know it's not safe to drive like this. I start up the car anyway and drive towards my house, hoping no one will see me.

I walk inside and set my shoes down. "Where have you been? You were out all night." Blaine says, sounding worried. "Oh my god, are you alright?" He asks, as soon as he notices I'm crying. I run upstairs and turn on the shower. I strip my clothes off and get in. I can't believe what I just did, I can't stop crying, it's loud enough that I'm sure Blaine can hear it even over the shower. I squeeze soap all over my body until the entire bottle is empty. It will never be enough, no amount of soap will be enough. I lean back against the shower wall and close my eyes, covering my face with my hands. I sink down to the bottom of the shower and curl up in a ball crying with the water still dripping down me, washing the soap off. The water runs cold, but I can't get out, I'm stuck here. I'm a fucking slut.

When I eventually get out I'm still crying but there aren't any more tears, my body is just going through the motions. I wrap up in a towel and walk out to my room. I find my phone and purse sitting on the bed and I plug my phone in. I immediately get a call from my mom. "Mom?" My voice is still shaking. "Jennifer, what happened? Your brother called me. He said you were out all night." She sounds worried, great, he called her. "I'm fine." I say. "No you're not. What the hell happened to you? He said you were out with a friend did he do something to you?" I can't speak. It feels like my throat is closing. "I- I slept with Chris mom. Now they both hate me! I'm such a horrible person. I cheated on Nick. I'm so sorry, mom." I'm shaking so hard I have to curl up into a ball again. I hang up the phone and throw it across the room. I feel like I'm suffocating on my guilt.

Blaine comes up to my room and sits down on my bed with me. "I talked to mom. Jennifer, it's gonna be okay. You need to calm down. Do you want me to get you anything?" He asks, touching my shoulder. "You called mom." Is all I can say. I can't believe he called mom, now I've hurt her too. "You wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I was worried about you. I still am. Can I get you something to eat or drink or something?" He asks. "I just need to be alone for a while." I sit up and grab the tissues off my bed and he leaves. Great, let's add Blaine to the list of people I hurt. I get up and pick up my phone and dial Nicks number. He answers on the first ring. "Jennifer, hey, I tried to call you last night." I immediately start crying when I hear his voice. "Jen, what's wrong baby?" He sounds concerned. "I really just need you to come home." I start hyperventilating again. "It's okay. I'll be home in a few days and then we can see each other. I love you." He says. "Love you too." I hang up, I can't talk anymore.

Once I've calmed down, I walk down the hall and find Blaine. "I'm fine now, you can go. I'm sorry I made you stay longer." I say, looking at Blaine. "Okay? You're sure you're gonna be okay?" He asks, setting Ali down in her crib. "Yeah. Nick will be home in a few days, I'll be fine." I wrap my arms around him and hug him. "Thank you, really, I'm gonna be okay now." I walk with him downstairs and help him pack up his things and watch him leave.

I grab a beer out of the fridge and some popcorn and sit down in front of the TV and watch a movie. I text Chris and let him know that we can't see each other anymore, then I text Nick and tell him goodnight. Once I tell him, he's never gonna forgive me.