You can't Outrun the Truth

Weeping in a Sunlit Room

10:45 a.m.

I was laying in bed watching a movie I've already seen. A knock interrupted it so I opened the door.

"Can I talk to you?" Daan asks.

"I guess."

"You asked what happened to not being obligated to tell me. I want to explain. When we saw you leaving yesterday, Jill tried to follow you. We told her to let you go so we came back here so she could tell us what happened."

"She told us how you guys had gotten into a fight and it lead to why you came here, she said you were getting upset and defensive about it, which you had every right to do," She says when I open my mouth.

"So she wanted to message one of the girls there."

"Why would you let her do that?"

"We don't control what she does London. We told her not to. That if you weren't safe you would tell us."

"You're confusing me. I- I don't- just- I don't need anyone's help. I'm okay," I tell her.

"Okay. But the whole team has your back if you do," She says before leaving my room. I'm left alone with my thoughts again as they run wild. 

I could feel the tears building up and the room caving in. I put my hands on my head and tried to take deep breaths. 

In...2...3...4...Out...2...3...4

I stumbled over to my bed trying to catch my breath as all the emotions from the fight, telling Jill, talking with Daan, came crashing down at once. Like the dam that had been holding them back broke. I couldn't even control it as I started sobbing trying to stop it all, the thoughts.

The thoughts and memories in my head were drowning me and I couldn't get air. 

Jill, Beth, and Daan came in and Daan kneeled in front of me.

"Make- make it stop. Please just make it stop," I sobbed. It hurt too much, I didn't want to feel it.

I've got you, we've all got you, love," Daan sits on the bed with me and pulls me into a hug.

"I don't want to feel it. Please make it stop."

"I've got you, I've got you."

Beth came around the other side of me and hugged me as well while Jill grabbed my hands.

"Look at me. You are safe London. It's okay right now," She says.

"Stop, stop, stop, stop. I need- it's too much. I need space. I can't breathe."

"Okay, how can we help?" Beth asks moving away.

"I- I need water. I need water."

"I'll go get you some water," Jill says leaving.

Jill's POV

I left to get London water and called Rose on instagram.

"I've been told to not tell you any-"

"Has she had panic attacks with you?" I ask ignoring her.

"Why?"

"Because she's freaking out and we don't know how to help her. I'm getting her water now."

"Okay, um, what caused it?"

"Does that matter?"

"Yes, cause then you know what to say."

"I don't know, she had just spoken with Daan, we fought earlier, I don't know."

"Let me talk with her," Rose says. I go back and hand London the glass.

"Rose is on the phone," I say handing it to her. I can't hear whatever Rose is saying but it's doing something to help London.

"I'm going to tell Joe London won't be at training," Beth whispers.

"I'm going to stay with her," I say. 

"Okay, are you sure? With the fighting?" Daan asks. I nod and Beth leaves to call Joe.

"It hurts Rose," London whispers. Her tears have slowed down and her breathing is almost normal.

After a few minutes, London hands me my phone and sits in silence. Daan had left to get ready for training so I sat on the edge of the bed.

"Are you feeling better?"

"I don't feel like dying anymore," She says. 

"Daan and Beth are going to training soon, I'm staying here with you. What do you want to do?"

"You don't have to stay Jill. I can handle myself," She says annoyed.

"I know you can, but you don't have to. So pick a movie and I promise when it's over I won't fight with you." I say tossing her the remote.

"What a great promise."

She chose to watch Tangled in Dutch. Daan and Beth came in just before the movie started to say they were leaving and I waved.

12:30 p.m.

London fell asleep with a couple of minutes left in the movie so I shut it off and moved her phone to the bedside table.

"I don't want to be alone Jill," She whispered with her eyes shut.

"Okay, I'll stay here, I was just moving your phone."

"Thank you, for not telling them. Or being mad."

"How could I be mad at you London?" I ask looking down at her.

"How could you not?"

Cool. So I had some of this chapter written then completely scrapped it. Which is why this took a while, I was bent on that idea. Anyway hope y'all enjoyed this and feel free to leave any suggestions! Love y'all and hope you're doing well!