You can't Outrun the Truth

Covering the Scars

This morning I was sitting in the kitchen waiting for the other girls to get up. We had a couple hours before our training and I was scrolling through Instagram to kill time. My mindless scrolling was interrupted when my aunt called.

"Hoi!" I said as I answered.

"Hi!"

"Hoi Anika,hoe gaat het met je?"
"Hi Anika, how are you?"

"Met mij gaat het goed en met jou?"
"I'm good and how are you?"

"Goed, hoe is het leven in Londen?"

"Good. And how is life in London?"

"Het is goed, mijn huisgenoten zijn erg behulpzaam geweest."

"It is good, my housemates have been really helpful."

"Dat is goed. Jackie zei dat ze met Danielle sprak, die zei dat het goed met je ging."

"That's good. Jackie said she spoke to Danielle, who said you were doing fine."

"Ja."
"Yeah,"

"Ik zal je laten gaan, ik wilde alleen even inchecken."

"I can let you go, I wanted to check-in."

"Oke, doei ik hou van je."
"Okay, bye I love you."

"Doei, hou van je."

"Okay, love you." 

I put my head on my arms and closed my eyes. I wish someone knew, but I didn't want to tell them. They loved my parents and I didn't want to ruin that.

"You okay London?" I lifted my head and saw Beth.

"Yeah sorry."

"Stop apologizing all the time! Just wanted to make sure you were okay." She said.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I convinced myself. 

"Okay, today's an off day so I think some of the girls were going to grab lunch if you want to come." She offered.

"Maybe another time?" I asked, I didn't feel like going out since with the day before I left and training yesterday everything hurt.

"All right, do you want us to stay here as well?"

"No, you guys should go hang out with them. I'll be fine." 

"Alright, so what are you going to do today?" She asked sitting across from me.

"I don't know, maybe catch up on sleep? Might go on a walk to explore London."

"That'll be fun, there's a lot of cool stuff near here." I nodded and twisted my ring around my finger.

"So, what was happening when I came in? You looked upset about something," She said bringing over tea.

"It's fine, just a minor problem I'm trying to figure out."

"Do you need help?" Beth asked. I sat in silence for a moment. Even when the other girls knew they didn't offer to help, I wouldn't have let them of course but still. Now Beth was asking if she could help me without knowing the problem.

"It's okay, like I said nothing major," I lied. 

"Okay, hope you figure it out,"

"Thanks, I do too."

Once they had all left to go meet with the girls for lunch I got in my car and drove to a pharmacy. I got bandages and peroxide then came back. I locked myself in my room after grabbing a towel and opened the peroxide. 

I took off my sweater leaving me in my sports bra and poured some of the peroxide on the towel. I pressed the towel to a large burn on my back and winced as it cleaned the burn. I blinked away tears as I cleaned the cuts on my arms and then larger ones on my stomach and ribs. I cried out a bit as it ran down my side to a cut running from my back to the front of my stomach. I sank to the floor in pain and tried to place a bandage with my trembling hands.