You can't Outrun the Truth

Penalties

"All right everyone. This is the order for penalties. Kim, Katie, Louise, London, and Leah." It was the Women's FA Cup final against Manchester City. We ended regular time and extra time scoreless so now it was at penalties. And for some reason I was taking one.

We were up first for shooting and Karen Bardsley was in goal for Man City. Kim converted her penalty, then Steph Houghton made hers as well. Katie scored, then Georgia Stanway. After that it was downhill for us after Louise's shot was saved and Claire Emslie scored. Now it was my turn.

I took the ball from the ref and put it on the dot. I looked up at the goal and locked my eyes on the bottom left corner of the goal . I took a couple of steps back and took a deep breath.

You can do it. Just a simple shot on goal, just like in training.

I looked back at the goal and shot the ball to the right of the goal. Karen dove to the right and pushed the ball away from the goal.

How could I have missed?

I walked back to the girls and stood in between Daan and Beth. I kept my eyes on the ground and didn't watch as Keira Walsh took Manchester City's winning penalty. From the reaction of our team and theirs I could tell she made it and we lost.

If I hadn't missed then Leah would be up and we would still be in this.

"It's not on you London," Daan whispered to me. I nodded and squeezed her shoulder. I separated from the girls to grab a bottle of water. I took the bottle and nodded my thanks to the trainers. "London, it's okay," Jill says coming over to me. "I'm fine Jill."

"You shouldn't have been put in that position."

"It's part of the job Jill. I'm fine." I take a sip of water and shake hands with a couple of the Man City girls.

Can't even take a shot on goal right.

Beth pulled me to the side and took me with her around the pitch to say hi to the fans. She didn't try to reassure me or comfort me which was greatly appreciated. Beth and I stayed out on the pitch for around half an hour talking with fans.

"You want to talk about it?" Beth asks when were in the tunnel. "Nope. And you guys don't need to be checking up on me just because I'm the youngest on the team. I can deal with missing a penalty."

"I'm not asking you based on your age London," Beth says gently while stopping me. "I'm asking you because it was a Cup final and that could affect any of us."

"I'm fine Beth."

"Ok. Then let's go get changed and get home. I'm tired." ." We entered the locker room and I went over to my locker. There was an envelope sitting on the bench in front of it, this time with a seal on it. I looked closer at the seal and recognized it as the one my parents used. I tossed the envelope into my bag and started getting changed. "Ready to go?" I looked over at Jill and nodded grabbing my bag and following her out of the locker room. We met Beth and Daan in the car and Beth drove us home. Jackie had texted me throughout the game, and her most recent one, checking up on me. I replied saying I was fine and put my phone away. "Joe should not have put that much pressure on you London," Daan says breaking the silence. "Daan, it's part of the job. I should have been fine to take it, it's my mistake."

"You're nineteen!"

"Daan. I'm fine okay? I'll practice penalties a little more and make it next time."

If anyone ever lets you take a penalty again.

"Your penalty was just fine." She turned around and looked at me. When we got home she pulled me aside into her room and shut the door. "Listen to me. We win together we lose together. This loss is not anyone's fault, you wouldn't blame Manu or Louise. If you want to practice penalties more then I will take you and help you work on them, but this isn't on you, or anyone person. Okay?" She says. "Yeah, okay. Thank you, Daan," I respond. Daan pulls me into a hug and I hug her back. 

I left Daan's room and went to mine pulling my computer out and sitting on my bed. I opened YouTube and searched up Karen Bardsley in penalty shootouts. I watched as many videos as I could find of her saving penalties and took notes on them all. I moved through the keepers for our next five games and watched their penalty trends and how they performed in games overall. I must've spent hours watching film before Jill and Beth finally came in to tell me Daan was almost finished with dinner.

"I'll be there in five minutes, I swear," I tell them, continuing to watch Marie Hourihan, Brighton's keeper, in goal for penalties, and in general. "Are you working on school?" Jill asks coming over. "London, how long have you been obsessing over this?" She pauses the video and looks at me. "Jill, I get you're worried but you shouldn't be. Daan talked to me. Besides, this helps everyone!"

"Dinner guys!" Daan shouts from the kitchen. We all go to the table and sit down. "Daan, did you tell London to watch film and take notes on how each goalkeeper reacts in a game?" Jill asks as soon as we sit down. "Jill!" I say. "No, but whatever she needs to do is fine. Right, Beth?"

"Sure, I mean we watch film all the time preparing for games."

"It's been three hours."

"So what it's a bit much? The next time we have a game, I don't intend on missing," I tell Jill.

I'm back! Again. So sorry for the long break, I had finals then was out of town and sick so there's been loads going on! Hope everyone who celebrates had a great Christmas and that everyone has a great week!