You can't Outrun the Truth

Chapter 60

After Christen's early morning meditation I sat on the balcony and face timed Jill. When she finally answered I smiled, just seeing her face.

"Hey Jill. How's camp?" I ask her. "It's good, how's camp with the US?"

"It's going fine. Disappointing result but I'm not supposed to talk about the tournament today, so how have you been? Anything big happening?"

"Nope. Jackie has been asking me to tell you to call her, other than that I've just been having fun with the girls here," she says. "I'm glad! And you are going to be glad we are with national teams. Christen, my roommate, has forced me to wake up at five and meditate today and not think about football. So that's progress right?"

Jill smiles even wider and chuckles. "That's great London. You are already an amazing player, watching games all day is doing the opposite of what you think. You're so focused on being better that you don't think about the simple things you need to do, like just play."

"I know. But J, it's like a constant voice in my head that tells me I'm not enough. That I shouldn't be on the pitch and someone else should in my place. That I don't deserve to play. So when I focus on film and training, it's like I'm trying to improve, that I'm proving I deserve my spot. Otherwise-"

"You deserve your spot even when you aren't improving. Listen L, you are an amazing player. You have accomplished loads, and your 19, it's amazing! You have the skill and the ability, all you're missing it the mindset to realize that. You need to stay out of your head! When you hear that voice saying you aren't good enough, replace it with mine saying you are more than enough. You are so amazingly good at this London. And I wish you would realize that."

"You're going to make me cry Jill," I say feeling the tears forming. She had said everything I needed to hear and more. "Thank you, I'll score against England for you."

"I'll be looking for it, and I'll score for you against Poland."

"Can't wait."

"Does this mean we broke your rule of not talking about football?" Jill asks.

"Yes, but I think it's okay since it was a positive conversation," I laugh. We talk more about random things just to talk to each other more and I'm reminded of what made me fall for her. I can hear people in the room but I ignore them hoping to talk longer to Jill in the little safety bubble I've created.

"London!" There goes the bubble. "We need to get to breakfast. Oh, is that Jill? Hi, Jill! I'm Rose, we've spoken on the phone before!" Rose says leaning out the door.

"Hi, Rose," Jill says smiling at the chaos in my hotel.

"I'll call you later ok? Bye Jill."

"Alright, by love" she hangs up after that and I blush.

"What did she say?" Rose asks while I follow her inside.

"What do you mean?" I ask her.

"She called you something! What was it? Oh my gosh! Are you guys dating?" She asks whispering the last part.

"Rose!"

"Well, are you?"

"No, now let's go, we're going to be late!"

"Can't be late to breakfast," I heard Rose mumble as we left the room and headed to the elevators.

After breakfast we had recovery than a light gym session. I was partnered with Alex in the gym and we started off with pull-ups.

"How's camp been for you so far?" Alex asks while she takes count of how many pull-ups I do. "Good, and for you?"

"Good. I love getting together and seeing everyone," She says making another mark. "Especially you, I see everyone else in the NWSl, but you're in England so I hardly see you."

"Yeah, it's a good escape from the craziness in England. Of course, everyone here is crazy as well so..."

"What happened to your stomach?" Alex asks a minute later.

"What?" I ask confused. "You've got like scars or something."

"Oh, I was just a dumb kid," I say quickly. "Okay," She says, sensing it's a sore subject. I drop down from the bar and gestured for her to start.

When we're finally done with the gym Chris has me do yoga with her.

"I'm not flexible enough for this Chris," I groan as she leads the two of us in another stretch. "You have to practice to get good." Is all she says. "Whatever you say, Chris." After an unnecessarily complicated move, I drop to the ground and lay there. "We can be done now," Christen says.

"You can keep going, I'm going to take a nap though."

I wake up to my phone vibrating on my pillow. I pick it up and see Jill face timing me so I answer it. I frown slightly when I see Jackie's face pop up on the screen and tap it to reread the contact. It is Jackie's, I guess I wasn't reading right.

"I'm surprised you answered the phone," She says sharply. "I thought you were Jill," I respond. "I spoke with Daan earlier."

"Great, glad you're communicating with your teammates."

"You know I'm not going to judge you, Anika. So why didn't you let me help? Why ghost me?"

"Are we really doing this over the phone?"

"Yes. Are you really going to show up in person?" She questions. 

"Fine. I ignored you because I didn't want to talk to anyone at all. The only reason Daan knew is because we live together."

"I know your parents Anika. I know their expectations, I can help you with that! Nothing needs to be perfect! They have impossibly high expectations none of us can reach."

"Jack, I've calmed down more. You don't have to talk me down."

"I do. Because you're practically my sister and hearing that you've been falling apart and I couldn't do anything hurts. So let me help you, I know it's easy to push me away, but don't Anika. Please."

"Fine, Alex Morgan saw my scars. And we both know I can't exactly run from the national team. So what do I do?" I ask her.

"Lie."