I sat outside as the cool night breeze hit my skin. It was exactly what I needed after piling my stomach with food. I may have won that battle with Paul, but that decreased my chances of winning against Sam and Leah, especially if I was throwing up midway. I exhaled, letting the food digest slowly. I always felt tired after eating a lot, which was an even worse sign. I had to be vigilant and prepared, but here I was, tired and full. Great.
Too caught up in my own worry, I just noticed Emily as she sat down on the log next to me. My hair picked up in the wind, hitting my face as it did. The sky reflected nothing but dark clouds, shielding us from the stars. I turned to her as her black hair also danced freely in the current of the wind. She had a distant look on her face, staring off into the woods. I followed her eyes but were met with nothing but trees. I sighed heavily, trying to look as fierce as possible.
No luck. I was too upset. Too worried. I couldn't seem to focus on a single thought for more than a minute. But finally, she spoke, pulling me out of my trapped mind.
"Sam told me about the fight," she said, her voice gently hugging my ears, like a bear protecting her Cubs. She had this sense of defence over her and the other werewolves. A true mother at heart. I never had one of those.
"Then you must know how screwed I am," I muttered, breaking my promise to stay strong. My body seemed to trust her before my mind got the memo because I had given up on trying to look strong way before I realized it.
She smiled softly, her eyes still distant but with a hint of humour. "Sam won't let it go far. As hard as it may be to believe, he does care about the pack. And long before he even spoke of you joining, you had already made a place for yourself in his eyes. He has come to be protective of you," she said. That was a shock. It must've showed on my face too because she let out a soft chuckle.
"You're right, that is hard to believe," I replied.
"You know, as the Alpha, he has to be a leader. He has to wear the mask, take on the roll. But it doesn't mean he is this lifeless, scary wolf man," she said. One thing I realized in that moment, is that Emily never wastes a word. She doesn't talk often but when she does, it's always something important, or meaningful.
"Yeah. I guess that makes sense," I said, still with a shed of uncertainty. Emily's faint smile grew a little wider and she looked to make eye contact with me. Her gentleness had this effect on me. I wanted to break down and tell her everything. She made me want to let go of all my guards and my walls of protection and just cry in her arms. And I almost did too. But she interrupted.
"You know, Jacob is worried about you," she said. It came out of nowhere but I could instantly guess a few reasons why.
"Because of the fight?" I asked, curiously.
"No." Emily replied without hesitation. "Because he's afraid of what you might do if you aren't accepted into the pack."
At first I didn't know what she meant. But then I started to think. What would I do if I wasn't accepted into the pack. Well I'd go back to being just a Cullen. I'd go back to living my numb, meaningless life of pain and sorrow. I'd spend every conscious moment with nothing but aching and suffering. I'd spend every sleepless night wishing for one thing. I'd wish for-
"Oh," I said. It hit me. That night he drove me home and I went to far. He must've realized what I meant. He must've guessed correctly, that I wanted to end it all. He must've been so worried that he went to Emily for guidance. Maybe that was the only reason Sam was giving me a chance to join. Maybe everyone in the pack knew! My mind was beginning to panic and the paranoia increased.
"Your understanding confirms his suspicions," she whispered. I was speechless. "Don't worry, only I know. He's talked himself out of believing that you ever would. He wouldn't be able to sleep otherwise," she said knowingly. The thought of Jacob spending his nights worrying about losing me while I spent my nights yearning for death. It seemed like a cruel joke.
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A twilight Fanfiction: 𝓢𝓲𝓵𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓜𝓸𝓸𝓷
Hayran KurguA halfbreed born of two natural enemies fights to keep her secret from the world. After her only mate leaves her for a human girl she has nothing else left in this world. She wants to end everything. The date is set. But things become much more diff...