Alaya Khan, an 18-year-old British Pakistani girl, goes about her daily existence as any other young lady.
Alaya has no idea what she's getting herself into when she meets Alex Scott, a strong-willed, charming, smart, talented guy on her first day o...
For the past few weeks, I had been skipping shifts at the café to spend time with Alaya, who refused to eat or come downstairs unless I forced her. I could see that she was making significant progress. It didn't matter how long it took her to reach a healthier mental state, I was going to do everything in my power to get her there. I wanted to give her as much time as she needed. Every time I visited Alaya's home , Mrs Khan was always so welcoming and grateful of my efforts. Mr Khan, on the other hand, was still a little guarded.
I couldn't visit Alaya's house today because I had no choice but to work this weekend. It was too late to go round to her place because my shift ended late and I had to close up. I was hoping to finish a little earlier tomorrow so I could drop by Alaya's place.
When I arrived at my flat, I was surprised to find Alaya sat in the corner of the doorway sleeping. Panic overcame me, so I removed my backpack and I hastily knelt down.
"Alaya, Alaya," I whispered softly as I nudged her arms. She gently opened her eyes, a wave of relief washed over me.
"Hi, Alex. Sorry, I think I dozed off. I wanted to see you. I was expecting you to come down, but you didn't", she muttered softly, rubbing her eyes as she awoke from her nap. When she stated she needed to see me, I couldn't help but smile. That's what the old Alaya would say. This made my heart swell with delight. My Alaya was still there inside.
"Sorry, I texted you, but I guess you didn't read it. I had to go to the café and work." I explained, as I assisted her in getting up and opening the door for her.
She followed me into the living room and murmured. "My phone is still turned off. I suppose I should turn it on, which will...." Her gaze was drawn to a painting she had not seen before, and she came to a halt, her sentence unfinished. It was still on the canvas stand because I hadn't finished it yet. When it was finished, I planned on hanging it in my bedroom so that it would be the first and last thing I saw every day. I had painted the two of us watching the sunset by the blue lake that we both adored. To recall the lovely evening we had spent together, the painting featured my arms over her shoulders watching the sunset, the towering trees surrounding us with lights around them, a picnic, the guitar, and the blue lake.
She gazed in admiration at the painting before turning to face me, her hands clasped to her chest and a loving smile on her face. "Alex, when did you...?" I interrupted her before she could continue her question, knowing exactly what she was going to ask me.
"It's something I've been working on for a few weeks now. It isn't finished yet. I intend to hang it in my bedroom. It'll be a wonderful addition. Do you... like it?" My nerves were getting the best of me, so I asked her, rubbing the palm of my hand across my neck.
"I love it," she said, her gaze returning to the incomplete picture. Shaking her head as if trying to forget something, she continued to say, "Alex, I need to speak with you. Can we please sit down?"
Something about her expression bothered me. She took a seat on the sofa, waiting for me to join her. I asked, "Alaya, would you like a drink or something to eat?" because I knew she wouldn't have eaten today.
"No, I'm fine. Alex, can you please stop with the formalities and come sit down." She asked me again. Something didn't feel quite right. "What is it? Has something happened?", I asked, as I sat down next to her.
She was contemplating something and looked troubled, but I couldn't tell what exactly. "Alex, I'm leaving the city to start afresh some place new. Somewhere, nobody will know me or what happened to me. I wanted to tell you in person because I didn't want you to think I just left." She stated this while looking me in the eyes and twisting her fingers. She spoke with apprehension.
"Okay, that's great Alaya. I'll start packing then. I don't really have much, but give me a moment, I'll...." She interrupted me and held my hand and said. "Alex, when I say I'm leaving, I mean just me."
"What?", I asked confused by this revelation. I felt as if a knife had been grazed across my chest slowly making its way to my heart.
"Alex, I can't let what happened to me haunt me for the rest of my life. The constant reminders everywhere are affecting me and I can't do this anymore. My family isn't thrilled that I'm leaving. But the glances and whispering are too much for me to bear. Everyone here knows what happened to me. They all look down their noses at me, with pity and judgement in their eyes. If I'm going to try to live with this, I'm going to have to do it on my own terms. And this means I need to let go of my past and..... present. That includes..... you." Alaya had truly wounded me. I felt as if a dagger to my heart had been plunged in and out a hundred times by the one person I never dreamed of doing this. I could feel my eyes filling up with tears.
"So, what exactly are you saying? That you don't want to be with me? But, we love each other. Let me come with you." As I begged, tears began to form in my eyes.
"Alex, I can't allow you to exist in my world. I don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore. I'm not the same person I was and I don't think I ever will be. It's unfair of me to expect you to always compromise, as you have done these past few weeks. That isn't the way a relationship should be. I'm dragging you down with me... and because of that, I'm not going to let this go on any longer. You deserve someone..... who will give everything they have to the relationship. You will eventually start to..... despise whatever this is we have with each other. I don't want your pity love. I've come to terms with the fact that I may spend the rest of my life alone, but I don't want that for you. You deserve someone who will bring you joy. Who will love you with all they have. Not someone...... like me.... someone damaged", she added, tears welling up in her eyes as she struggled to find the right words. I could see she loved me and saying this pained her.
"Pity love? So you're saying you don't love me with all you have. You're lying! I know you love me!" I retorted, the pain in my voice obvious. "So you've just decided on this for the both of us? Why would I come around every day to visit you, if I didn't want to be with you? Yes, what happened to you was awful, but.... that hasn't changed my feelings for you. In fact, I love you much more for your bravery and strength. Please don't do this to us. I beg you!" At this time, my tears were uncontrollable, so I went to hug her because I needed her close to me. Her words had scorned me, and I was in tremendous pain.
She held on tight to me, both of us crying. "Please, please... don't do this to us. I love you so much..." I mumbled as I wept.
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"I'm sorry Alex.... but I have to. I don't ever want you to put yourself last, because of me. I don't want to be the reason for a decision.... that you will regret. Perhaps not now, but later on. I won't allow you to destruct yourself and make you like me. You'll see in time that it was for the best", she murmured, letting go of my embrace.
"So that's it? You've made your mind up and how I feel doesn't matter?" I inquired as a final resort in expressing my case.
She stood up and took a step back and muttered, "I'm sorry.... I can't do this anymore.... please don't follow me," as tears streamed down her cheeks. She then turned and walked out, slamming the front door behind her.
I collapsed on the ground, unable to think of anything else to do. It seemed as if the ground beneath my feet had given way, just as my heart had.
