Un-Arranged Love

Chapter 65

Alex POV

I was driving around in my car, pondering my next step. I was slamming the back of my head in to the leather seat. What was I thinking when I left her at the farmers market? I feel so guilty for doing that to her. Perhaps she was attempting to make amends, but I had completely ruined everything. She most likely wanted to keep us as friends, which is why she invited me. But I'm not interested in becoming her friend as I love her too much to just be friends with her. I tried but failed to maintain my composure around her. I felt my eyes flood, and I knew seeing yesterday, would bring up these conflicting emotions. This was something I needed to discuss with Amar or my mother since they would know what to do.

My mother's phone was the first to ring, but there was no answer. "Come on, mum, please pick up. I need you!" I said to myself.

Then I dialled Amar's phone number. Within the second ring, he answered. "Is everything alright with you, Alex? It's 8 a.m., and you never call this early in the morning ", he informed me. I was unable to respond and began to whimper into the phone. "What is it, Alex? What's the matter... son? "  He asked as I'm sure he could tell I was upset. Amar and I had developed a strong bond over the years. To be clear, he became my best friend and father figure I longed for. He was there for me when I was at my lowest, and I've always trusted him and treasured his advice since then.

"I'm okay. I'm... okay.... Amar", I muttered under my breath, sniffling into my sob. I wasn't alright though. I was hurting.

"Alex, I can tell you're not alright. What is it, son?", he said once more.

"Amar. It's Alaya. She works at the gallery. I thought I could handle being around her, but I can't. We spent the day together yesterday, and I thought I'd be fine being around her, but she took me to a farmers market this morning, and I couldn't handle it. All of the sadness and pain I felt when she left, came back to me. And.... and... I didn't want my heart to be broken again since I knew she didn't want me. So... so... I left her there. And now I'm feeling guilty for doing that." My tears were unrestrained as I cried into the phone, as if someone had accidentally turned on a switch and forgotten to turn it off.

"Alex, what you're experiencing is perfectly normal. Did you tell her how you feel? If you're feeling guilty, you must still love her. You shouldn't feel guilty though, Alex. You're just trying to protect yourself,"  Amar remarked. He knew exactly what to say to make me feel better. "What do you want to do now? Me and your mother were about to leave in a few hours, but if you prefer, we can leave right now and meet you?"

"Amar, I want to be with her. But what if she rejects me again? I'm not sure I could take it. " I sobbed into the phone, revealing my insecurities. "Please don't leave early on my account. I'm going to be fine. I survived this once. I'm sure I'll be able to do it again. She seems happy with life, like she is in a good place Amar. She reminded me of my old Alaya. You know, I gave her an infinity bracelet years ago, which she claims she never took off and that calms her down when she's anxious. That's most likely why I'm hurting so much, because she left me to heal. Now that she has healed somewhat, she never tried to contact me."

"Alex, just because she appears to look good on the surface doesn't mean she's healed on the inside. Why don't you talk to her? She clearly loves you a lot, because you just mentioned that she wears the bracelet you gave her  years ago, for comfort. Since you left her at the farmers market, she must be just as sad as you are. Why don't you give her chance to clear things? I think you both should sit down and talk things out instead of running. Whatever comes of the talk, at the very least you'll be able to give each other closure." Amar advised me. When I asked Amar for guidance, his comments always struck a chord with me since he was so wise and always wanted the best for me, so I knew he was coming from a good place.