Un-Arranged Love

Chapter 62

Alaya POV

Alex Scott was here! My Alex! He was only a foot away from me as he sat down. He was not the person I would have expected to show up to this meeting today. I couldn't help but notice his new appearance. He was still as attractive as ever. Those glossy emerald green eyes, which I adored, still twinkled a little. He'd chopped his mousey brown hair and brushed it to the side. He was dressed in a navy blue three-piece slim suit. He looked so smart and professional. He didn't have his nose stud on anymore, which I noted. That was one of my favourite things about him. I'm not sure why he took it down. He looked so grown up. I wished I had spent more time putting together my attire since it made me feel out of place. Why am I so self-conscious about my appearance? 

I had forgotten how much I adored his smile; those dimples always made me sigh in awe of this handsome man. I can't believe I passed out right in front of him. I'm a total idiot! I'm curious as to what he thinks of me now. I couldn't help but savour the proximity between us when he pulled me up so I could sit in a chair. Once upon a time, I was awestruck by this man, and admittedly still am. He was carefree back then, but today he appeared to be serious about life and on the right track. I am delighted for him. All I want for him, is to be happy for the rest of his life. Oh, how I wish I could wrap my arms around him and never let go. 'Alaya, stop it!' My inner thoughts continued yelling at me. I'm not sure why I'm so nervous around him or am having these thoughts. It's not like I have any authority over him any longer. My chance has passed me by.

"So, Alaya, what have you been up to these past few years?" He asked me, not giving anything away. His manner was so confident; not that he wasn't confident before, but he appeared to be much more mature since the last time I saw him. 

He's curious as to what I've been up to for the past few years. I'm sure he'll find me tedious once I tell him. Apart from working at the gallery and assisting the women at the refuge with their painting, I don't do much. Even though I am content with this, I find myself reluctant to tell him much. So I changed the subject.

"Alex, I still can't believe you're here. You look so good. It's great to see you" I remarked with a warm smile, staring at him for far longer than I needed to. I'm hoping he hasn't noticed this. "How long did it take you to get here?" I said, shaking my head to snap back.

"It's lovely to see you too, Alaya. Yes, the drive up here took me about two hours. I was pretty certain I wouldn't make it. Elmdale village is quite small, and the roads are unusually narrow.  I noticed a cow on the road, meandering along aimlessly as if it were nothing ", he said, chuckling. I followed suit when his eyes expanded as he mentioned the cow walking down the road.

"The village is small, but charming," I said. " The cows can be found roaming the narrow roads here, so don't be surprised. It's quite normal. They get away by leaping across a farm fence. There are a lot of beautiful fields here. I'd love to show you around the place some time," I added, my gaze fixated on the man in front of me. Where did I muster the confidence to ask him so directly that I want to show him around the village where I now live? Those latent tiny flutters in my tummy had resurrected after all these years. My heartbeat began to quicken slightly. I was nervous. Oh dear, I'm staring at him way too longer then I should, waiting for his answer. He's going to notice and think I'm strange. 'Please say yes,' I kept wishing.  

"I would love to go out with you. You know.... as my tour guide and all."  He managed to say to me, maybe I wasn't the only one who felt nervous during this interaction. I felt so relieved when he said yes. 

We found ourselves locking eyes as I became distracted by him once again, so I said, " Anyway, you must be hungry. I prepared a light lunch for us. There's a selection of food on the table over there. Is there anything in particular you want to eat or drink?"

He hasn't even been here an hour, and my body hasn't yet adjusted to the emotions he has evoked in me today. Those tiny flutters were awakening and alerting me to their presence. He's the only one who's ever made me feel this way. "Food sounds great. I think I'm going to make myself a hot drink and see what you've put together." He continued on.

"That's great. If you want I can give you some time to eat and come back in a bit." I suggested, a slight frown forming on my forehead as I didn't like the idea of going away from him. 

"No, please stay. I'd like to catch up with you." My smile reappeared as he said it, as if he had read my mind. What's going on with me? I never thought I'd feel this way again. Why am I so nervous around him. 

I should have said no, but instead I said, "All right." My heart smiled for me. I felt as if I was floating on air.

We both walked over to the table where I had previously laid out the food. He took a plate and chose a few items from the selection, which included sandwiches, small pastries, a variety of cake slices, and drinks. I didn't pick up anything to eat because I was already full. To calm my anxiety, I just made another cup of coffee.

I couldn't help but glance over at him now and again to catch a glimpse of him. I kept thinking to myself that I wished I was good enough for him and that he deserved so much more than I could give him. I could tell he'd moved on because he didn't seem to have the same feelings as me. I had learned to accept this because I was the one who had broken his heart, so it was only natural that he would move on. But the thought of that also pained me. 

"Aren't you going to eat?"  He questioned me, as he sat back in his chair at the hardwood table.

"No, I've already eaten. I made myself a hot drink ", I said, holding up my cup to demonstrate.

"Come, sit next to me," he said, tapping the chair I was sitting in before. I approached him, cautious at first but curiously yearning to be near him. I need to stay cool. To try to manage my emotions, I began to instinctively twist my bracelet and breathe in and out. It wasn't that he was making me feel bad. He was doing the exact opposite, and my mind and body were completely unprepared for the impact he was still having on me.

He glanced at my face while he ate his sandwich. He smiled fondly at me and shook his head in a cute way. "What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?" My anxiety was still high when I questioned him.

"It's nothing. I was just remembering when we were together. You know, memories." He responded, his smile dissolving this time.

I couldn't help but feel guilty in the face of the regret that washed over me, so I began to twist my bracelet with my fingers. He sensed my discomfort and glanced towards my wrist. Suddenly he placed his sandwich onto the plate and reached for my wrist. 'Oh fuck! He has spotted the bracelet he gave me years ago' I thought, panicking.

He lifted my sleeve up a little as he softly gripped my wrist. "Is that the bracelet I gave you on your birthday?"  he asked, shocked while looking at my face.

I was locked into his eyes as he was to mine. We both were silent for a few minutes but it felt like an eternity. "Yes...ss... I use it to calm myself down when I feel a little anxious. It soothes me. I don't know how, but it does."  I didn't want to lie to him and felt comfortable enough to tell him how much his bracelet helped me. 

I couldn't mask the embarrassment that washed over me by my revelation to him and so I lowered my head. I welcomed his touch as he lifted my face. "Alaya, you don't have to be embarrassed about anything. It's a good thing if this is what helps you. I'm just surprised you're still wearing it after all these years." He said to me, smiling as if he pleased about something. Why would he think I would take it off. 

"I never took it off Alex. I couldn't. I love this bracelet so much." I said to him. 

It dawned on me why I was feeling so nervous around him. I still loved him. That's what I wish I told him. But I was never going to be able to say this him. I had lost the right to say that years ago.

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