Behind Closed Doors

19. BTR Tour

March 2012

One Direction's month long UK tour had come and gone in the blink of an eye. Their first album was a smash hit around the globe causing their lives to continue on with an ever-quickening pace. Zayn felt he barely had time to breath, it all was happening so quickly. One day they were performing the next rehearsing and onto promotional interviews. It was one thing after the other. Zayn was just 19 years old yet he felt his youthful years flying by.

The boys managers had booked the band to perform as an opening act for Nickelodeon's, Big Time Rush, from February to March. Once it ended they were told they'd continue touring their own show for four months beginning in April due to their success. Though the idea of traveling to North America and Australia was exciting, Zayn had begun to worry about his mental health and stability. He feared he wasn't being given the proper amount of time to soak everything in, let alone make any decisions on his own.

He was currently at home in Bradford, having left the tour to attend the funeral of his aunt. Zayn would only have three more shows to do when he returned and he kept reminding himself of it, dreading his return. Fact of the matter was, Zayn hated the BTR tour. The lads of the American band were rude and obtuse despite the fact that their own music made the One Direction album seem mature.

He didn't mind being on stage, in fact Zayn rather enjoyed himself while performing. It was really the interviews and places they had to attend that made Zayn feel as if he was a Disney child star. Everyone seemed to be pushing a certain narrative onto One Direction. They were no longer a chill boy band made up of regular lads. They'd become idols to many young kids, expected to be perfectly well-behaved. Little did everyone know, that type of control over their behavior wasn't Zayn's forte, neither was it any of the other band members. They wanted to be able to mess up without it becoming a headline on the Daily News. To be young and idiotic without being dragged through the media.

Being home for a few days gave Zayn time to reflect. Something he'd been ridden of over the past few months. He began to reevaluate what it was he wanted. The music was good but it still wasn't anything Zayn felt incredibly proud of. Part of the reason being he hadn't written a single lyric, the other was because of the repetitive pop sound that seemed thrust upon them. Come to think of it, Zayn wondered if it wasn't their young age that attracted so many people from the music industry. One Direction were vulnerable and soaked up everything they were told without even considering whether it was truthful. They all had a naivety but the others even more than Zayn. They hadn't experienced real hardship or oppressive seniority. They all believed everything they were told because none of them had lived in a world where people didn't have only good intentions. It was blind trust and though Zayn still fell victim to it, wanting to believe his elders had his best interest at heart, he wasn't a fool.

Zayn was slowly learning to keep his cards closer to his chest which would later cause ignorant media professionals to label him the mysterious one. He'd never meant to act mysterious. Zayn simply wanted to protect himself. Anything he said can and would be used against him as his words were twisted in a negative way and all of the boys had to deal with completely fabricated stories that were told in major media platforms. There were times where Zayn wished he would have taken a page from Harry's book and befriended more experienced celebrity performers. Harry had been wise to do so as it allowed him a way to learn the ins and outs of dealing with media as he befriended mature professionals like Ed Sheeran, Ariana Grande, Adele, the Kardashian family, and yes, even Taylor Swift.

The reason Zayn hadn't went that route at the time was that he tried to avoid media attention as much as possible. Though Harry had people who could teach him the ins and outs, he had to deal with more attention by Association. It was all a game of give and take. To win some you had to lose something too. There was no changing it, therefore Zayn tried his best to focus on the good and ignore the bad.