Behind Closed Doors

29. Dont Leave

One more drink leads to another
You slide up close to me
Tear the t-shirts off each other
Your hands all over me
I tell myself I'm not in love
But one more time is not enough
One last kiss and then you're a goner
And I'm here wishing you could stay a little longer

-"Stay a Little Longer" by Brothers Osborne

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After spending two nights together, the day of Harry's departure was upon them. Perhaps it was all the backlash he was facing from announcing his decision not to tour. Or perhaps it was knowing Harry would be away for a couple months to film, then more after that if he decided to get his album together; Whatever the reason, Zayn found himself clinging to Harry more than he usually would. Often during their time in the band, Harry held the title of serial clinger. Today, Zayn seemed to be giving Harry a run for his money. He wouldn't be surprised if he'd begin to wrap around Harry's ankles like a toddler on his way out the door.

To an onlooker, Zayn's behavior may be perceived as sweet or even cute. However, Zayn was feeling anything but cute as he followed Harry around closely, not wanting to part from him even to use the restroom. It felt entirely codependent and borderline toxic. His entire happiness seemed to begin and end with Harry being near. Although he wanted to enjoy Harry before he left, Zayn was overcome with anxiety and irrational fear as to what he would do/be when Harry walked out the door.

Zayn had loved Harry for years but never had he come so close to this feeling of absolute desperation. How could someone have separation anxiety when they barely saw the other person? Wasn't that a term used for people who spent too much time in one another's presence?

To make matters worse, he could tell Harry was excited to leave. He talked about the film practically nonstop the previous day as it was his first film and a major one at that. Zayn was happy for the lad, but it would be a lie if he said he didn't feel a bit upset that Harry seemed so ready to go. Selfishly, he wanted Harry to feel the same desperation he felt in knowing they'd be apart for months without any plans for when they'd meet again. The fear of the unknown was eating away at Zayn.

They lay in Zayn's master bedroom, under his beige comforter and white sheets. Harry appeared to be asleep as Zayn lie awake, his body fully on top of Harry's. He wanted to be making contact with as much of Harry's skin as possible and didn't care if it mean he was suffocating the beautiful man beneath him. Taking in all of Harry's features was Zayn's current priority so that he could keep the memory of him in his head rent-free. From the way Harry's new hair seemed to remain fresh despite having slept all night to the way Harry's mouth would twitch every so often making Zayn wonder what the lad was dreaming of.

They'd had a fairly tame couple of days, at least for Zayn and Harry it was tame. The couple only had sex a few times and rather spent the majority of their time chatting about random subjects, watching gangster films, and cooking together in Zayn's kitchen that Harry seemed to love.

Zayn had given Harry a brief tour the night he'd arrived and allowed him to explore more at his own pace while asking Zayn any questions he may have along the way. Harry wanted to know the story behind practically every design plan and art piece Zayn had in his mansion. Their time spent together felt overwhelmingly domestic and Zayn found himself oddly obsessed with it all. The idea of waking up to Harry every morning and talking to one another about their work loads in the evening enticed Zayn to begin to ponder his future with Harry.