Behind Closed Doors

34. Hurry

Oh, I can't see
The forest, for the trees
So will you wait for me?
Will you wait for me?
Will you wait for me?
My evergreen

"Evergreen" - by Yebba

*****************************************

November 2016

Harry and Zayn hadn't seen one another for a little over 4 months since their last rendezvous before Harry'd left to film Dunkirk.

After speaking with his label who were ready to drop him if he was unwilling to go the extra mile for them (given his lack of live performances), Zayn had shocked even himself with his response. In a state of panic, Zayn had agreed to a new contract that included dating Gigi inevitably until his star-status/relativity remained stable. All along he'd seen Gigi as the one who needed him, which was still true. Yet, here he was feeling incredibly small and vulnerable, being manipulated into feeling as though he needed her. He'd gone into the meeting with confidence and left with a stack of insecurities and regrets on his shoulders.

It was only upon reflection did Zayn realize the severity of his momentary panic. By signing his name he'd yet again signed away his life in a sense, as he continued to allow others the privilege of making life-altering decisions for him and he clung to them like life-support.

Why did he do this to himself? He wondered. He must enjoy the heartache, or perhaps he was far less confident in himself than he had begun to believe. When Taryn caught wind of the contract, reading over the copy Zayn was given, even she couldn't hold back the disappointed look thrown Zayn's way. Before she could lecture him he had simply shrugged, looking down at his feet in shame.

It wasn't just the Gigi part that was upsetting. To be fair, he wasn't upset with her and reminded himself he was lucky it was in fact, Gigi, who loved him. He cared about her and the notion of being in a public relationship together was not scary or daunting by any means. What was disconcerting was the notion of (once again) feeling powerless in an aspect of his life that should be completely his own. Private. His and Gigi's alone to control.

The idea of ever truly being in love with her flew out the window with the flick of his wrist as he signed his name on the contract. He'd done himself and their potential relationship a disservice. Gigi didn't seem to share his mindset while she read through the contract before signing her name when he presented it to her. Part of Zayn wanted to be angry with her for being so blind, to warn her of this industry and it's wickedness. But Yolanda's presence reminded him how familiar Gigi was with these types of contracts and perhaps wasn't so innocent to the industry. The difference between them was that Gigi seemed to thrive while Zayn couldn't shake the bad taste in his mouth. Yet, who was he to judge? He'd signed the damn papers. It was his own fault and he had no one to blame or dislike other than himself.

Out of shame or perhaps defeat, Zayn nearly cut off all contact he'd had with Harry. He continued to ignore his calls stating he was busy or hadn't had his phone on him, but continued their text conversation a few times a week. Luckily Harry was an incredibly busy man and hadn't called Zayn out on it.

That was until August came around.

Zayn had been working non-stop on the finishing touches of his book that was scheduled to be released in November. He knew Harry was done with filming from the string of missed calls and texts on his phone. His only reply had been a, "Can't wait for it to come out! It's gonna be a dope film."