REVERIE: Twisted Reality

Day 19: Who Am I?

Alexandria Lennon

As soon as I got ready, I went out of my room and visited the Duke.

'I just have to smile at that shallow-minded, pompous, conceited, jerk!'

He better keeps his side of the deal! I knocked on the door as soon as I reached his room.

He was still yawning when he opened the door but he smiled as soon as he saw me, "Why hello, my love! Are you ready to smile for me today?"

'Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!'

I did the best I could to muster a smile in front of the conceited jerk but he just laughed. 

He leaned on his doorway and flashed his playful smile, "My love, you really have a way of making me laugh. Come again if you're ready to smile for me. I'll be here waiting for as long as I live."

He flashed me one last smile before closing the door. My forced smile instantly turned into annoyance. 

I kicked his door before I left. 

'Conceited jerk.'

-

I angrily made my way to the attic. 

'I don't need that jerk's help.'

I barged through the attic and paced back and forth. I can feel White's gaze following me but I ignored him. 

'I'm just so annoyed by that old man who thinks he can own anything with his money!'

"You said you are lost. Do you also want to return to the sky?" White innocently asked me. 

"No. I don't have wings, do I?" I snapped sarcastically.

"Yes... You would probably fall to death if you tried. But my wings are grown naturally, so I don't know how you can acquire a pair yourself." He said it with a problematic tone. I looked at him puzzled. 

He seems like he was thinking of an answer to a problem, "... how can I help her get a pair of wings?..." I heard him mumble.

'Oh, s---! Did I just snapped at him?'

I finally calmed down and I instantly feel guilty for what I just did. I sat down beside him and apologized, "I'm sorry, White. I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm really having a hard time getting my emotions in check recently."

"I don't really mind." He said honestly. I smiled but then he asked, "Do you still need help acquiring a pair of wings?"

I chuckled and shook my head, "No. My home is on the solid ground."

"On the solid ground?" He confirmed. 

I nodded and smiled. 

He gave me a look of confusion and asked, "Then why do you want to return to it? Wouldn't it just be more boredom and hardships?"

I suddenly got lost in thought because of White's question.

'Why did I want to return to reality? How was my life there again?'

My memories from reality were suddenly foggy and unclear. I was starting to panic when White suddenly said something again, "I always wished I knew how to sing, but I could barely make a few notes. Do you know how to sing?"

"Ah, no. I sing poorly..." 

"I guess we are both unlucky in that aspect." He said sadly. His expression made me smile so I told him, "I wished I knew how to play the piano though. They play piano players more than waitresses in the cafe."

'Where did that come from? I have no memory of it yet... how did I know that?'

"Is that the only reason why you want to learn music? It makes me feel sad for some reason..." He remarked.

I know. It was indeed a very shallow reason. My answer just now sounded so shallow and materialistic. 

'What kind of person was I?'

  "I like clouds. They are fluffy and comfortable and reminds me of pillows." White told me. 

I smiled and nodded at what he said, "Hmm. Pillows are nice. Especially if you are working a late shift on a school night."

'WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!'

"Work?" White asked confusedly. "I have never worked before, so I don't really know what that is like. But it sounds difficult so I applaud you for your efforts." He complimented.

"You must like pillows and clouds, just like me." He added. 

My mouth moved on its own and answered, "I don't really have time to look at the sky anymore. There's always bills and homeworks to take care of."

'What the hell is happening to me?'

"There should always be time for people to admire the clouds." White said something but I didn't quite get it. I stood up and said absent-mindedly, "I have to go."

I walked out of the attic dazed. 

'Who am I? How did I know those things when I have no memory of it?'

I was walking down the stairs preoccupied when I heard the brat spoke, "You're starting to lose yourself, huh?"

He was leaning by his doorway and looking at me with such curiousness with his peculiar eyes. "Then I guess tomorrow's nightmare surge will be much different than the last one."

I didn't know what to feel about what he said. Somehow, I remember everything from my reverie but not the memories from my real life.

'I understood that I'm losing myself but I had no idea what is that I was losing.'

I watch him turn his back from me but before he went back inside to his room, he said, "I hope you stay safe...

...Alexandria."