Bad Timing - Jiara (JJ Maybank & Kiara Carrera)

Chapter 13

                                          Kiara's apartment, California                               

Last night, I had a dream about living a perfect life. Kiara as my wife, a child we created, a beach house, a fulfilling profession, fantastic friends, inspiring role models, and well-spent Sundays...that was my dream. But what made it so memorable was how it was the complete opposite of my reality. 

I woke up one Sunday with swollen, aching, puffy eyes from weeping myself to sleep. Kiara was asleep in Tristian's room, giving me the space I didn't want nor ask for, yet also needed. She wasn't my wife, and the child she's holding as they both perfectly sleep isn't ours to keep forever, no matter how much we treat him like our own. I explore the moderately sized kitchen in an apartment and hurriedly chug down my morning coffee, ignoring the honks of passing motorists while I scan the internet for jobs, trying to fix my unemployment problem. My phone alerts me to remind Kiara about the Pogues' arrival, and it's only then that it dawns on me that life has finally done it, that life has finally split us across the globe, and that now we must book tickets to see each other for Christmas.

I can't help but wonder what happened. I can't help but feel guilty for all the time I missed the chance to kiss Kiara or hang out with the Pogues or enjoy every second of life all because I was too caught up in my daily routine to appreciate the littlest things that made life the most enjoyable. 

I was sitting in my bed, alone, rejecting Kiara's voice in my head screaming 'no coffee on the bed, you're going to spill,' when it came to me that, contrary to popular belief, you do have some control over how your life unfolds. 

Right now, I'm alive. I'm breathing normally, and my chest rises and falls slowly. I'm head over heels in love. I now have a place to call home. A child to feed, love, cherish and spend time with. That, in my opinion, is something that not many individuals have.

 I can't stop Kiara from dying, but I can make sure she enjoys every single second of her remaining life. And while I may not be able to see the Pogues every day, I do know that I still have people in my life who would willingly take a bullet for me. I don't and can't have a child with Kiara, but DNA isn't family, and I know that. If Tristan doesn't find a home, we can adopt him, and raising an adopted child together is equally fantastic and possible, albeit surreal to me. And, while marriage is simply a piece of paper, I truly want to show a picture of my "wife," making sure I reveal the ring on my fourth finger as I do so if a random woman ever hits on me.

In terms of the apartment, I'll negotiate with Kiara. We'll sell this place and move to a beach house where we can enjoy Sundays much more. Role models? My father does not want to be involved in my life, although I have to accept that I am a "trigger" for him. I make him feel bad about his mistakes in the past, but the fact that he's on his honeymoon, sober and in love, makes me happy. Plus, Anna and Mike have set a higher standard for me than any parent figure I've ever know. 

I had a sudden awakening. It was time for a change. Because the clock was ticking and Kiara didn't have enough life left in her, it was finally time for me to take action. 

I somehow summon Kiara, who closes the door quietly and cautiously behind her as she steps out of Tristain's room.

Before she disappears into the bathroom, she chimes, "Morning," in a shaky voice that was almost too low for me to hear. Minutes later,  She sneaks up behind me, snaking her two arms around my neck and planting a soft kiss on my cheek.  I feel like I've spent my entire life loving her.