November (ManxMan)

Fifteen

Kissing Aizen felt like the best decision I have ever made in my life. I pushed my hands into his hair, parting my lips, moaning loudly as I arched into him. It felt so good, the warmth of his tongue in my mouth, his hands on my hips, holding me tightly like letting go of me was not an option.

We pulled apart a couple minutes later, the two of us panting as we just stared at each other. It felt amazing, like my entire body was tingling and that was new to me. I never had that with the blonde ex.

Aizen kept staring at me, his eyes dark and lip swollen. His hands were still on my hips and he doesn't push. Instead, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead. I wanted to say something but I just didn't know what exactly I wanted to say.

"It's alright. We don't have to m-"

"It wasn't a mistake. I don't regret it." I said and Aizen just blinked at me. This close, I could see his blue-green eyes, this close I could trace my finger on his face. The scar that made him even more handsome.

Aizen smile was immediate, and my heart seemed to like it almost as much as I did because it started beating really fast. He let go of my face just as my hands dropped and cupped my face, nudging his nose against mine.

"I don't regret it either, Deri." Aizen said and I smiled at him. "It's. . . something I have wanted to do for a long time now, Red." He said, fingers stroking my face softly.

Not going to lie, this scared me but not as much as I thought it would which made me feel better. Aizen was safe to me, felt safe to me and I just don't know how to explain what exactly it was that he made me feel.

"I want to go to bed. Can we talk about it tomorrow?" I asked, looking up shyly at him.

"That's alright. Don't overthink and just rest, alright?"

I didn't trust my voice, so I just nodded in response. Aizen walked me over to the stairs and bid me goodnight. I gave him a little wave and got up the stairs but halfway up, I turned around and found Aizen still standing there. He was leaning against the railing and staring down, a sad expression on his face and that made my heart clench and also made me feel sad. I never wanted Aizen to look like that ever again.

I rushed back down the stairs and Aizen looks up when I was almost there. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight, nose pressed to his neck. Aizen held me back just as tightly. I stayed in his arms for a little while then I pulled back, quickly pressing a kiss to his cheek, chuckling as he looked at me with wide eyes.

Still not trusting myself to speak because I was so sure it would come out squeaky or high pitched, I give Aizen another wave and rushed up the stairs and this time I don't look back. When I was safely in the room, I fell backwards onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

That just happened.

Aizen kissed me.

I kissed Aizen.

I shook a little as I thought about the kisses, my finger reaching up to trace my lips. I felt thing that I had only read about in Nora Robert's books. With all the things that had happened to me a relationship, a kiss, the kind of feeling that I just had while being held by Aizen should not even exist. Not to me. I should be scarred, traumatized, too scare to even want to kiss anyone else after what my last relationship was like.

But Aizen was different. He made me feel different. Made me feel safe. Made me feel excited for the first time in months, weeks, days. He doesn't ask for much, heck, he doesn't even ask for anything and has only ever said he wanted what was best for me. He was always there, has always been there, any time I needed him. His apartment back then had been a safe space, and this house, this place he brought me to was my new home. He gave me a home. Gave me friendship, was my companion, got me the best therapist in the state, he provided me with everything he thought I would need, with thing that I asked for and not once has he asked me for something.

I sighed and rolled over to my side.

The next time I opened my eyes, it was very bright, sun light streaming through the window. In my haze last night I had forgotten to pull back my curtains. I let out a loud yawn as I got out of bed. It didn't take me long to get ready for the day, showered, moisturized and got dressed in a black shirt and tan cargo pants, my hair combed down into it's fluffy fringe.

When I opened the door, I could instantly smell the bacon and pancake and I rushed down the stairs and towards the kitchen where I knew Aizen would be. When I got to the kitchen I stopped in my tracks and watched Aizen move about the kitchen. He had on perfectly pressed black pants and a white shirt, his hair was already styled off his face and he was humming as he flipped the pancake he was making.

He looked really handsome. How was he single? If he walked out the door and threw a rock, he'd find a lot of men and women who would be ready to be with him. He was handsome, ridiculously wealthy, caring, honest, kind despite how much he liked to hide it, especially with that frown of his. He was really frowny and scowly when we first met and now look at him, making me pancakes at eight in the morning while looking out like he had stepped out of a magazine.

"Good morning, lovely." Aizen said, looking away from the pancake and focusing on me. "Are you going to keep standing there?"

I could do this. I could hug him or put my hand on his shoulder and reply his good morning greeting or I could do what I actually wanted to do ever since I walked in here and found him making breakfast for us. I took a step forward and another until I was standing in front of Aizen, my habnds resting on his chest as I got on my tip toes and pressed a small kiss against his lips.

Thankfully, he had taken the pancake out of the pan and his hands were free so he could hold onto me which he did immediately I pulled back.

"Good morning." I said, my words coming off quietly, almost like a whisper.

Aizen kept staring at me, there was this twinkle in his eyes and with my hands resting on his chest, I could feel it. I could feel how fast his heart was going. I licked my lips as I kept staring at him, waiting for a response.

"You're driving me crazy, Deri." He said, his grip on my waist tightening but it didn't hurt.

"Aizen. . ."

"I was going to wait until after breakfast to bring this up but having you in my arms, just like this. . . it's making me weak. It's getting harder and harder to let you go and I don't want to push you or rush you or influence your healing. You got out of something that most people never recover from or take years to recover. I don't want you doing this, kissing me, touching me if it's because you're thankful and not because you like me." Aizen doesn't pause and just went on. "I like you a lot, you make me want to be a better man, you bring out a part of me that I never knew existed. I always think about you, all the time. When I wake up, at work, at meetings, even when I'm with you. I can be your friend, Deri but I can't be anything more if you're just doing all this because you're thankful."

It's the most I have ever heard him say at once. He slowly let go of me and takes a step back but I reached out and held onto his hands.

"I like you." I said in a very shaky voice. "I like you a lot and it's something that I have felt for a while and only acknowledged in my sessions with Dr. Fletcher. You mean everything to me which is. . . crazy considering we have only spent months together and we are still getting to know each other. I. . . want to be with you and it's not because I am thankful but because I really, really like you."

"Deri, baby. . ."

"If we are going to do this though. . . we would have to go slow."

"As you wish, lovely."

"And you're going to let me do my own thing and won't keep me locked in the house. . ."

Aizen flips our hands over and pressed my palm flat against his chest. "I would never do that to you. I would never even think about doing something that horrible to you. You are your own person, the author of your own life and I have no control over that, I am just happy and grateful that you invited me into your life, let me know you, let me take care of you and for liking me back." Aizen replied, his cheeks and bridge of his nose, red.

"You promise?"

"I give you my word."

—
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