Literal Garbage

The Corey Life Update No One Asked For

Hello my comrades, and welcome back to Corey's random garbage. Here's some answers to the questions I'm sure no one is asking:

"How's school going, Corey?"

School is going well!

I got moved in a couple weeks ago and earlier tonight I decorated my door for the upcoming spooky season.

"Are you feeling all whiny and self-loathing like you were in your most recent posts in this book?"

Ehhh?. I mean, there are good and bad days. Have I thought of ending my life recently? No. Did I sleep from 12 am to 5 pm one day because I didn't feel like doing anything? Yeah. Yeah I did. In my defense, I didn't have class that day so it's not like I was missing anything.

I've had some pretty bad days with dysphoria recently.

And my mom confronted me about wearing a chest binder and I ended up having a bad panic attack later that night as a result.

But I've been seeing a therapist for two weeks now. (Since that aforementioned incident with my mom, coincidentally.) I'm not sure if it's helped any yet, but it's nice to have an adult in my life who doesn't view my identity as an inherently bad or evil thing. It's weird having that kind of support, but not in a bad way? I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, but I do feel like it was the right thing to do.

At any rate, things haven't really changed a whole lot other than that. I still have that accursed long hair, but I've been really open about my name and preferred pronouns with everyone on campus and (for the most part) have been greatly supported.

I'm hoping to cut my hair soon. I know someone who's willing to do it for free. But I know it won't go over well with my family, and I'm honestly terrified to do anything because of this. (That's nothing new, though) It's weird...they always tell you that, once you're eighteen, that you'll have all this freedom...and yet, I feel just as scared and small and helpless as I did as a kid, when I was first figuring this shit out.

A grown man shouldn't be scared of his own parents.

And yet.....

Maybe it'd be easier if I weren't financially reliant upon them. Maybe it would be easier if I'd gotten that full-ride scholarship. Maybe it'd be easier if they'd actually prepared me to live as an adult instead of sheltering me from any grown-up responsibilities. But maybes won't help me any.

*sighs like the brooding Byronic hero*

So yeah. 

This turned a lot more whiny than I intended it to.

But don't you expect that from me by now?

At any rate, I really am doing better. I'm just...I'm still not really able to do much, thanks to my family.

Any more questions regarding me and just my life in general? Don't hesitate to comment. I'll answer anything I feel comfortable with (which will be most of your questions, probably)