IF YOU'RE PLANNING ON READING "ANY WAY THE WIND BLOWS" BY RAINBOW ROWELL ANYTIME SOON, MAYBE SKIP THIS?
Um so..
I'm reading this book (the aforementioned "Any Way the Wind Blows" by Rainbow Rowell), and these boyfriends were fighting, and one of them (Simon) is talking about how he loses everyone and "didn't think he'd get to keep" Baz and I just..ughhh
And Simon was talking about how he felt like he didn't deserve Baz and that he thought Baz would eventually get tired of him and leave.. I just felt it. I felt it so much.
I nearly cried, I just relate to Simon's feelings of inferiority so much. Everything he was saying throughout the scene just hit too close to home. And the things Baz was saying just reminded me of someone else, it just seemed too much like a conversation she and I would have and it just made me feel..feel, y'know?
And I'm thinking, maybe the reason I'm not in a relationship is because I don't feel like I deserve one. Maybe the reason I keep losing my friends is because I'm so paranoid of losing them, that I never let them get too close in the first place.
It's strange, becoming self-aware. But I think I've figured it out. I'm just shitty at relationships, all relationships, and that's why 95% of them don't work out. The other 5% is just a matter of time, those ones will end too.
Everyone gets tired of me in the end. I'm just too much to deal with, and there's no benefit to dealing with it. So,, people leave, or I make them leave some way or other.
They all say they won't leave.
But that's never true.
That's like me saying I'm a girl.
It's never true, even if people say it is.
YOU ARE READING
Literal Garbage
Randomit's either me venting about depression and stuff OR just random shit. there's no in-between, it's always one of the two. oh and i cuss a lot so maybe keep your kiddos out of here.
