The Lockdown

5

Andy did not sleep very well, tossing and turning all night. Early morning daylight seeped in through his blinds, he gave up the struggle and went into his bathroom to clean up. He decided to shave for the first time in days, his stubble was turning into a beard and he thought he started to look like a homeless bum after a heavy night of drinking. Finished, he went into the living room and noticed Cam sitting on the sofa, his legs curled up to his chest in a tight embrace, slightly rocking back and forth. Andy sat down next to him and looked at the younger man. Cam probably did not get much sleep either, he thought, he looked haggard and disturbed like a little kid lost in the forest waiting to be rescued. Andy felt the urge to comfort him but decided against touching the other man as he thought that might make the situation even more awkward. He sat down on the couch next to the younger man.

"Hi," he said quietly. Cam did not acknowledge him and refused to meet his eyes hugging himself even tighter. "I have to apologize for barging into your room unannounced, I just thought there was something wrong and I promise this will never happen again. You can do whatever you want in your room, you know that I do much more sometimes in mine." Cam did not appear to even hear his apology.

"I can't do this anymore," he murmured finally. "I have to move out." This scared Andy much more profoundly than he cared to admit. Apart from the financial situation, he had grown fond of the smaller man, enjoying their life together. He knew deep down that Cam not only made the lockdown more bearable, but that he would also miss the developing friendship between them. He started to care for Cam more than for most of his friends and the idea of possibly losing him especially over something so trivial chilled him to his bone. So he resolved to prevent this happening over any objection the youngster may have.

"No, you won't. I am not going to let you leave over something that is absolutely normal. I promise to respect your privacy more and if you think we spend too much time together, I can pull back a bit, I will move the easel to my bedroom, it's much bigger than yours, and we don't have to have every meal together, I will be fine for lunch and maybe only dinner..." he blathered on and on. Cam finally looked at him stopping his rocking for a second.

"I have been lying to you," he said turning his gaze downward again ashamed.

This stopped Andy's blubber cold. "What do you mean?" he asked warily. Cam did not look up again. Andy moved off the couch, sat on his haunches in front of the boy and pleaded with him. "Please, talk to me," he begged with some concern.

Cam buried his face into his knees and started to slowly explain. "When I lost my job a few months ago, I had no idea what to do. I looked around town for days, called everybody I could think of but there was absolutely nothing, nobody was hiring during the pandemic." He still would not look at Andy but telling his story apparently eased his burden. "I'd only started working there six months before so I wasn't even eligible for unemployment, my money was running out. I have a small student loan which I started paying back. I managed to suspend that thankfully otherwise I'd already be out on the street..."

"I would never let that happen," Andy interrupted. Cam finally raised his head. "Please, let me finish." Andy shut up.

"I know your financial situation, Sarah told me that you only needed a roommate because you couldn't afford rent alone, I know you aren't making a shitload of money at the bar. We'd only known each other for a few months at that point, so I don't think you would have had a choice. I could have gone back to Sarah, but she lives in a one-bedroom apartment with her boyfriend and although they are the nicest, kindest, most generous people in the world who would have taken me back without hesitating for even a second, I couldn't do that to them again." His voice was cracking and his mumbling started slowing down. Andy got up and brought him a glass of water from the kitchen.

Cam gulped it down but he was struggling to find the words to continue his story. "But you did end up finding a job doing online marketing," Andy prompted him trying to help.

"No, I didn't, that's the lie." Andy looked at him confused. Cam hid his face again. "I've been doing porn."

"Oh, porn," Andy chuckled a little. "That's all right, everybody is watching porn. I watched some porn a few nights ago," he obfuscated the truth a bit there not daring to admit that it actually was last night after catching his roommate masturbate.

"I am not watching porn, I am doing porn," Cam whispered. "I was desperate after a couple of weeks unemployed. I love living here, independent for the first time in my life and having a roommate I actually like. I don't think I would have had the strength to start again from nothing. I was looking for opportunities, googling everything I could think of and I stumbled onto the story of a boy who went to LA to become an actor but instead ended up doing porn and getting rich. I think most of it was bullshit and doing stuff in front of a camera with a stranger scared me shitless, but the story mentioned that at the beginning he was just doing solo stuff in front of a camera with no one else present. So I did some research and found this website where there were literally hundreds of rooms of men and women, alone or two people together, there were even groups and they were all doing... stuff. I was out of ideas, so I registered with the site, which was not easy, believe me, I had to submit two different kinds of identification to prove that I was of age, they even called me and asked a bunch of questions. I passed, of course, and I downloaded an app that instructed me what to do, it still took me half a day to set up properly. After you left for the bar that day, I gave it a try. It was pretty much horrible. I was awkward, very self-conscious, I tried to pretend I was somewhere else, fantasized about some hot guy. I managed to finally cum, but I was totally mortified when I finally shut down my laptop. But I checked my account the next day and realized I made more than twenty bucks in like less than an hour and, believe me, I was rubbish, so I've been doing it ever since. And you've been so nice to me especially lately and I just can't lie to you any longer."

Cam buried his face again and Andy could tell he was crying. The older man sat there quietly for a while his mind scrambling from one place to another trying to comprehend the mess the youngster got himself into until he remembered his resolve to do whatever he needed to help Cam and keep him living at his place. So he got up from the floor, moved next to the small boy and embraced him.

"It's all right. I don't mind it, I'm finewith this. You did whatever you had to do and I think you are incredibly braveand there's nothing wrong with any of this." Cam finally let go of hisknees, turned towards Andy and melted into his hug. Andy felt him sobbingsoundlessly into his chest but he held on tightly feeling the waves ofexhaustion coming off the small boy. "Cam, you are tired, you need tosleep a little bit and we can talk more about this later." He carefully laidCam down on the couch putting a pillow under his head, and held onto himkneeling next to the sofa until the smaller man finally succumbed to hisweariness and fell asleep.