✧𝔻𝔼𝕍𝕆𝕋𝕀𝕆ℕ~ 𝒶𝓃𝒾𝓂𝑒 𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓉 𝒸𝑜𝓁𝓁𝑒𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃~✧

✧Baizhu- Doubts✧

THE PHARMACIST BAIZHU was the greatest in all of Liyue. Nobody doubted that, least of all you.

You had been the great pharmacist's lover for many years, ever since you met him while you were both studying in Sumeru. You knew then that he would become a great and kind healer, and that you would follow in his footsteps. You completely changed the curriculum you were learning- from advanced fighting styles to how to make healing salves and mix medicines. The teachers felt insulted by this choice, and they wouldn't help you. So Baizhu, who had graduated the year before you, would come to your rooms at night to help you. Thanks to his assistance, you became a great healer, second only to him. And you also formed a friendship with him, which gradually transformed into a relationship.

When Baizhu moved to Liyue, you went with him. The atmosphere in Sumeru was stifling, and Liyue was more freeing. No one would be driving themselves insane to pursue knowledge. They would just be following the commands of the archon that ruled over them, Rex Lapis.

Despite your hatred of the atmosphere in Sumeru, you were frightened about leaving. Sumeru was the nation that you were born in, and the place you had spent much of your life in. Knowing this, Baizhu did his best to make you feel comfortable and less afraid. He sent you pictures of the capital city, Liyue Harbor, and wrote to you about how kind the people were. Convinced by him, you left for Liyue on the next boat, and went to live with him in the pharmacy he ran, Bubu Pharmacy.

As you spent more years with him and got to know him better, you realized something that you didn't know previously, when he was teaching you how to be a pharmacist.

Baizhu, the greatest pharmacist in all of Liyue, had great doubts of his ability.

Some nights you heard him crying about how he failed to save a patient's life, or complaining about how he messed up in making a medicinal mixture or herbal salve. At first you didn't think much of it- after all, you did these things too. Losing a patient was traumatic for any pharmacist or doctor, and messing up in making a medicine was annoying to you as well. But when you heard him crying more and more, you knew that he was losing faith in himself.

This terrified you. Baizhu was your rock, your reason for staying strong. If he was losing the elements that made him strong, you would fall with him. You had to make sure that he stopped doubting in himself.

And you had the perfect way to do it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Zhu zhu, did you know that an honors medical student from Sumeru is coming over to Liyue to study under you?"

You asked the man you loved this question as you were sitting together at the dinner table.

"S-study under m-me?"

The fearful stammer was barely noticeable, but it was there. Just as you thought, when the possibility of a student or someone needing guidance from him was mentioned, he got scared.

"Yes!" you said enthusiastically. "You're the greatest pharmacist in the world, after all! Why wouldn't they want to study under you?"

"G-greatest in t-the w-world..."

His voice was trembling now. Under your unwithering gaze, he wilted like a flower, dropping his chopsticks and running out of the room. You followed him swiftly, stopping when you reached his bedroom. He had closed his door, and you could hear him sobbing and muttering things under his breath. You were afraid for him, so you pounded on the door until he called out, "It's unlocked."

You threw the door open and rushed to where Baizhu was lying on his bed, burying his head in his pillow and crying out. His cries hurt your heart to hear, and you began to stroke his thick green braid in an attempt to calm him. Changsheng, his pet snake, uncurled herself from the leg of the bed that she had been sleeping on and crawled up onto the sheets, moving to her master's side and wrapping herself around his neck, licking his skin with her thin, rough tongue. It may seem odd to others, but the rough feeling of Changsheng's snake tongue always calmed Baizhu when he was going through emotional issues.

"Y-Y/N... please, go away..." he whimpered.

"No," you said firmly. "I'm staying by your side until you stop crying."

"B-but I d-don't want you t-to... to see m-me like this! Please, just leave me."

"Quit begging. I won't go," you responded, twice as firmly as before. "Now, you've been doubting yourself, haven't you?"

"Y-yes," he responded through sobs. "I-I'm not as g-good as everyone s-says. I-I'm j-just a m-man... n-not a legend... I'm not even that good of a p-pharmacist..."

"Hush, love," you said tenderly. "You're as good as you say you are, and if you say you're not good, it'll affect you terribly. Now, why do you doubt yourself in this way?"

"I-I'm a f-failure..." Baizhu stammered.

"A few failures don't make or break you. Your attitude towards them does," you said.

"I-I can't..." he murmured.

"What can't you do? You can do anything you want when you believe in yourself. You yourself were the one that told me that when I was struggling with changing my choices in curriculum. You said that if I believed that I could become a great pharmacist, I was halfway to being one already. Do you remember that?"

Baizhu was silent. His sobs stopped, and his eyes were no longer filled with tears. He closed his eyes for a short while, and when he opened them again, they were glowing with the confidence and happiness that you loved in him.

"Send a letter to the Sumeru Academia," he said. "Tell them that the student is welcome to come. I'll instruct them and mold them into the next greatest pharmacist."

You stood up to go write the letter, but you stopped when Baizhu called your name out.

"I love you, Y/N. You helped me get rid of my doubts. You're the best."

"I love you too," you said.

With that, you rushed off to write the letter. Sumeru wouldn't wait for you.