Want

Chapter 10

Maybe this whole thing was a mistake, maybe choice is something that could be changed, decisions could surely? Yet again she was lying there on the small single bed in the on-call room with the duvet bunched up and clutched to her chest and all she wanted to do was cry, she couldn't sleep that night and it was so painful for her to even come to terms with. She knew he wasn't being a dick about it, she knew she was clutching at straws as well but it turned out he didn't want to marry her, it was one of those things that stung and caused her heart to shatter into a million pieces. Somehow lying in this bed was better than going home, it was better than smelling him on her bedsheets but the pain was making her feel so ill in the pit of her stomach. Jac chucked her scrubs on, a fresh set as her last smelt of Kian. She knew she would have to face the music, the awkward stares and that's the last thing she wanted. Her legs took her to her office, she ignored Fletch calling out for her, Nicky and Cameron's awkward looks and as for the nurses that were on duty, it made her want to be sick with embarrassment. Yet again, on her desk, there was a black rose in a tall skinny vase and the tears fell, why was it like this? All she wanted to do was pick the vase up and smash it against the wall, the temptation was there and it overruled her mind and heart, her fingers grasped around the vase and she chucked it against the wall in a fit of rage before breaking down into heaving sobs. Fletch entered the room and wrapped her up in a hug and Jac just wrapped her arms around him.

"Maybe you should take some time off," Fletch says and Jac shakes her head before getting up, she picks up the rose and the tears fell from her eyes before she angrily throws it on the floor "This isn't healthy"

"Stop" she orders and then grabs her jacket, she storms out of the room and Fletch sighs going to page Sacha knowing he would need backup

It was when she was blindly running through the hospital she bumped into someone, she looked up and it was Kian, he looked equally as depressed as she did and she just punched him in the chest over and over and he brought her in for a hug, he needed it as much as she did and their bodies fell to the floor as they held each other. He cupped her cheek and she shook her head unable to even speak her thoughts.

"Why?" is all she could muster up, he looked at her and shook her head and it angered her "Please be honest with me, I can't bear this any longer!"

"You don't know anything about me," he says quietly and Jac looks at him, the worry etched in her face "I'll feel like a fraud if we went through this together, anything other than sex"

"Then speak to me" she pleads and Kian shakes his head, he didn't want to burden her and it infuriated her "Do you even care about me-"

"That's a stupid question and you know it" he counters, she just drops her gaze before she smiles slightly at the pads of his thumb wiping away her tears "It wasn't meant to be like this"

"I know but..." she trails off and he nods knowing exactly what she meant, he kisses her softly on the lips and they rest their foreheads together before Jac wraps her arms around his body "Why did you lie?"

"About wanting to marry you?"

"Well what else?" she rolls her eyes and Kian sighs slightly, he stands up and then helps her up as well, he takes her hand and they head back up to Darwin, they enter the office to Sacha and Fletch sitting there

"Could we speak in private?" Kian questions them, they sigh and nod watching them both sit on the sofa together, Kian lies out on it and Jac wedges herself behind him so she was lying alongside him, her back against the back of the sofa as her head rests on his chest "I'm sorry"

"I know," she says and shakes her head "I'm sorry too, I was desperate and it was wrong to put you in that position, why didn't you just say no?"

"I wanted to protect you," he says quietly and Jac nods slowly "I didn't want to embarrass you, you didn't deserve that"