Want

Chapter 23

Kian's arm was draped over the side of her body as she had her back against his chest, somehow it felt better this way because then she didn't have to feel his breath against her body, she didn't have to risk looking him in the eye at the lies she created. The gentleness he provided made her realise how undeserving she was of his affection, today she was mentally preparing for the lies to ruin the life she created knowing that there was no baby and knowing that she was going for a termination today to terminate the non-existent entity that was their baby. Jac untangled herself from Kian and headed into the bathroom, she ran herself a bath and it roused Kian from his sleep causing him to wander in and wrap his arms around her body, she leaned back against him and he nuzzled into her neck, her eyes fluttering shut as she whispered that she loved him and that she was sorry. Of course, he frowned at her words and she just kissed him softly on the lips not saying a word as she climbed into the bath.

"Are you having second thoughts?"

"No"

How could he say that when she was so set on her ways even if there was no baby, it literally felt as if he wasn't listening to a word she said

"Just making sure" he responds swiftly, Jac nods dipping her whole body under the water, she closes her eyes as she listened to the echoey sounds of the water which was much more appealing than listening to Kian try and change her mind about something that didn't even exist

When she pushed herself out from under the water, Kian was gone, at least that was something in the world that calmed her...

-CS-

The plastic chairs were digging into both of their backs, there was no getting rid of Kian from this situation no matter how hard she tried. Every excuse under the sun was used, none of which actually worked hence the reason they were sat here together. So much for private clinic, plastic, plain coloured walls, an awful clinical smell leading Jac to question whether Kian had done his research and didn't just pick one random abortion clinic from an old copy of the Yellow Pages. Jac's leg was jittering up and down like she was on speed or something, even Kian's hand being placed on her leg wasn't calming her and she knew it was because of the lies that were about to be revealed to him, she hated this. Why didn't she just drag him out of there and tell him until he was blue in the face that he had no chance of being a dad to her child because there was no way she was pregnant. Somehow, as much as she was a wuss, it seemed better for someone else to do her dirty work for her and for her to deal with the consequences.

"Jacqueline Naylor-"

"It's Jac" she responds sharply, for no reason at all and from that point onwards Kian knew it was going to be horrible for this poor nurse

"Let's just go in" Kian suggests, Jac looks at him daring him to patronise her again but he didn't he just ignored her look as they sat down opposite the desk on more irritating plastic chairs

"I'm a surgeon I know how this works" Jac states and the nurse bites her lip sitting at the desk "Questions, scan then you give me the pills, I want this done as soon as possible"

"There's a lot more to it than that Jac" the nurse whispers softly and Kian was thankful that the nurse said Jac instead of Jacqueline

Mumbling through the answers to the most irritating questionnaire was the only thing that was getting her through this. Soon enough her one-word answers of yes and no had to turn into short phrases then to full-on reasons as to why she wanted to kill her make-believe foetus, she hated this. The questions were done though and make-believe dates that Jac had engrained in her mind were spilt to the nurse. Her eyes were closed as she sat on the examination bench which was ten times comfier than the plastic chairs. She flinched as the gel was placed on her stomach and the transducer was coated in what felt like an ice-cold substance. Jac's eyes instantly glanced to the screen, her eyes examining her insides as they were displayed. Her jaw dropped, no her heart shattered and Kian rubbed his hands over his face before letting out a few tears himself. Jac couldn't look at him in the eye, not now, not ever.