Our journey - The 100 imagine

Bodyguard of lies - 02x14

It's time. Grounders are blowing the horns to signal the start of war. Bellamy did it. He shut down the acid fog like Clarke said he would. I still don't like him but if Clarke trusts him then so do I. Most of the times she is right about the things she does and believes in. It doesn't mean I fully agree with her decisions but I support her no matter what. She made hard choices like burning the grounders in a ring of fire or letting a bomb drop on Tondc. I can't say that I think it was the right thing to do, but I understand it now. Because it brought us here, ready to get our friends back.

Everyone around me starts walking to the forest into the enemy's territory, so I get slowly up too. I was hoping that Clarke and I could walk together but I guess she's busy discussing tactics with Lexa. I walk past still burning fires where people roasted some wild animals and the smell makes my stomach grumble. I should've had something to eat before. Well, I had Clarke but that just made my hunger worse.

The grounders are shouting some words I don't understand but it seems like a war chant. I feel excluded because I don't wear armor and I get some dirty looks from them. I start shouting some random words to look like I belong when someone takes my hand. "Hey" I turn my head and see Clarke smiling at me. "Thank god you're here. I was starting to think the grounders would take ME down instead of the mountain. I don't think I belong here, Clarke." She laughs lightly but her eyes have a dull shine. "What's the matter?", I ask quietly while squeezing her hand.

She sighs heavily and her eyes start to get wet. "Lexa kissed me." Oh. I didn't expect that. I knew there was something going on, but this... "Did...did you kiss her back?" "I...Yes, but I told her I am with you." My chest feels heavy and I get a lump in my throat. Everything was going so well. We survived the grounders and mountain men, we'd get our friends back, we were happy together, I even said I loved her! I could have imagined something would go horribly wrong. I thought she loved me back, I thought... At least she was honest I guess. "I need time to think", I say more to myself than to her while turning around.

I walk back in a haze, still processing what just happened. My vision is blurry from the tears that still linger in my eyes and I struggle to find somewhere to sit so I just plop myself on the ground. I stare at my shaking hands to ignore the thoughts that try to invade my mind. Images of Clarke and Lexa, lips locked and hands in hair. I shake my head. Strangely I don't feel the need to punch something like I normally would. Maybe because deep down I knew this was going to happen? Or maybe because I still care about her and just want her to be happy?

Deeply in thought I don't hear someone sitting down next to me but I can sense it's Clarke. She doesn't say anything so I turn to look at her. "I love you Clarke so I just want to see you happy. And if that's not with me then I should accept that." She sighs and turns to me. "That's not it. I am happy with you but I'm really confused about my feelings." "Maybe we should take a break then. We can focus on other things... like rescuing our friends", I say with a strained smile. "Maybe we should do that." Clarke stands up smiling and offers me her hand. "Let's do some rescuing", I say while gladly accepting.