Entry #6
In this dark alley, I am walking with no fear. I am searching for something I have been longing to find. I am starving, but I don't mind. I won't stop until I find that thing which will quench me. My head is heavy and I couldn't quite remember what happened earlier. All I knew is that, I feel strong, undefeated and invincible.
I remember when I was a kid. I got bullied a lot. I was too weak to fight back. I just cried and cried, but no one came to comfort me. I was always doing things alone. I got used to it. I distanced myself from others. I had no one to talk to... only myself.
My parents abandoned me. They left me with my uncle, who often abused me. I tried so hard to live my life, enduring all those. There was no single night where I could sleep in peace. My eyes were always swollen from crying. It was difficult to wake up each day knowing that I'd only get beaten. You don't know how hard it was for me to take all those. I cursed at your God for making me this way. There wasn't a life for me. I felt like I was living in hell. Funny, isn't it? I was damn right a mess.
But that all changed when I met Kevin. He was tall and gorgeous. He has this cold look in his eyes. He never smiled at anyone or anything. People talked about him all the time. They said he was a son of a killer. They were afraid of him. But I wasn't. You know why? I knew he wasn't that kind of person they said he was. I know this because he saved me... not just once, but a few times. I was running across the street and I almost got hit by a truck if not for him. There was also a time when I was in the library. I was using the ladder to get a book from the top shelf. I got outbalanced, but he caught me right on time. It may be coincidence, but I was grateful to him.
He often said he didn't like minding the business of other people. He said he didn't care about anyone but himself. But I don't believe him. Those times when he saved me were my solid proof that he was a good person. He's just trying to hide behind a mask to conceal his identity.
When he's around, I feel safe and comfortable. He's the only person who tried to save me. Not even my parents did that. Not long enough, I found myself thinking about him almost everyday. I thought I was just feeling guilty for not being able to repay him. But it was different. You know that feeling when you get butterflies inside your stomach when you fear something? But it wasn't fear at all. I found myself falling for him. It's crazy, I know. But I couldn't do anything about it.
That's why I was so devastated when I saw him hanging out with a girl one time. I thought he likes me. But no! He just played with me. You have no idea how that hurt me. I love him so much that I'd die seeing him happy with someone else.
I was in rage. And you don't want to see me in that state or else you'd regret it. I didn't attend our classes because I couldn't stand seeing him with that girl. Believe me, I tried to control myself. But one night, I just found myself walking in the streets. Unconsciously, I reached the house of that girl. Without any hesitation, I entered inside and killed her. Yes, I killed her, even her innocent parents. It was out of my hand. For the first time, I became a killer. I didn't want to embrace what was happening to me. I tried so hard to live my life normally before. But then, Kevin gave me a reason to do things which I never wanted to do. And now I couldn't do anything about it. I was searching for more. My throat was running dry. No matter how hard I try, I guess I'd have to kill more people for me to live.
What can I do? I am just like this... and forever will be like this until the day I die.
Oh, what am I saying? I won't even die.
...because I am immortal. A vampire.
