Full Moon's Secret

Chapter 16: Heartache

Mateo

I miss you not because I just miss you, but because you've taught me how to feel emptiness when you're not here.

These past two weeks were hell for me. I haven't been able to think straight. I haven't eaten properly, everything seems to be falling apart. Antonio has taken over at the pack meetings along with Andrew. They told them I had an unexpected emergency overseas. That's why I couldn't be there and that I have left them in charge.

I couldn't do it. My mind's been all over the place since that night, so leading a pack right now is not going to go well. I also was off of work, letting my sisters handle the company while I was away. This is my first time in all the years as an alpha. I wasn't working or leading my pack.

My family knew what was wrong with me and they decided that the best solution was to leave me alone in order to think to myself. All they told me was that if I needed their advice, all I had to do was ask. Now don't get me wrong, I am really grateful that they left me alone, and I wasn't spending time having them put in their two cents for every thought that I had.

I was exhausted by this point. I haven't been able to sleep and I always have this pain in my heart. My mother said it was normal to feel this way given my situation. It's not an easy situation to be in. She told me that when my father was still alive and when they used to get into big fights, she would feel the pain that I was feeling. Although I don't think any of them could feel the pain that I was feeling. It was something else.

You should have told her from before.

I know I should have, but I couldn't.

It would have been easier.

Goddamit I fucking know that! You don't think I'm already beating myself up over that fact?

I would have told her.

Can you just stop already?

I sat on the couch on my balcony in my beachhouse and looked at the sunset. It was calming me down a little or well calming my wolf down. I was hurting and it was all my fault. How many times did I say I just should I have just told her? If I told her from before this all may have been avoidable.

That fucking rouge.

Don't go blaming your mistakes on others.

I'm going to kill that asshole as soon as I see him.

Rouge or no rougue, you should have told her sooner.

I fucked up.

I took a sip of my whiskey and I just wished the alcohol would take effect, but it wasn't going to. I'm a fucking werewolf that means getting drunk is not an option. I could still picture the fear in her eyes when she briefly looked at me. I could still hear her squeal in shock as I shifted.

There was nothing I could do. Nothing and that's something that I am not used to.

I should have reached out to her.

No she left you.

Her whole life got flipped upside down and that's what you're thinking?

She still left you.

I need to check in on her make sure she's okay.

She's not going to be okay.

That's true, she's not going to be okay.

I should still check in on her.

It's been two weeks. You can't.

I reached for my phone that was on the couch next to me. I went to her contact information and clicked the message button wanting to send her a text.

She should have texted.

Of course not.

She just needs space.

She shouldn't be bothered.

She needs the distance and quiet in order to get the answers she needs.

She doesn't need you and you're lie.

I hate the fact that I hurt her.

She's my mate and I wasn't supposed to hurt her. I should never hurt her.

But I did and I'm going to regret that for the rest of my life.

My phone buzzed and I hoped that it was Malia, but it wasn't.

Madre: Ciao my love.

I sighed disappointed.

What the hell did you expect?

Her singing her apology because she left you.

WHAT? Of course not.

So stop and go speak to your mother.

Me: Hi mom.

Madre: Oh amore, how are you doing today?

Me: I feel like I'm dying. I'm terrible.

Madre: No you're not. You made a decision and then something unexpected happen.

Me: I know, I just feel helpless.

Madre: You can't blame yourself about what you didn't say or the that unlikely situation .

Me:I'm forever amused by your advice.

We talked a bit some more before I placed my phone back down and ran out of whiskey. I sighed and threw the empty glass against the wall. Watching it break was almost relaxing.

I wish I could go back in time and take it all back. She'd be right in my arms and we'd watch the sunset telling me how much she loves the summer and the beach.

But she's not here because you fucked up.

She's not here.

You lost your mate.

I lost my mate and that's the thing that hurts the most. All I feel is the heartache.