"You did so good." He was standing right by the bed, holding his wife's hand in his as he pressed soft kisses to her temple.
Letting out a heavy sigh, Stevie's tears raced down her cheeks as she stared down at the tiny, six pound baby that was resting peacefully on her chest. "She's perfect." Her voice cracked as she admired the facial features of her new daughter.
She had chubby, pink cheeks, a little button nose, long eyelashes, pouting lips and the prettiest set of blue eyes. She was magic, especially in the eyes of her mother.
"Hi, my sweet girl." She whispered as she brought her index finger up to meet the infants forehead softly. "I'm your mommy." Stevie couldn't help but giggle, watching intently as the baby's eyes began to flutter. "And this is your daddy." She added, using the same hand to squeeze her husbands arm.
With a little smile, Lindsey glanced from the baby, back towards Stevie.
She looked exhausted, but still so happy. She was beautiful, even after sixteen hours of labor... She looked like she was exactly where she was supposed to be.
"Have we decided on a name?" He wondered, lightly pushing some of her loose curls behind her ear so he could see her face a little better.
Nodding her head, her eyes stayed fixated on her baby. "Allison?" That was one of the names on their list- one of the few that they both could actually agree on.
Lips turning up once more, he let out a soft laugh. "I think that's almost as perfect as she is."
~~~
Instead of sleeping on the couch that night, Lindsey went to the home studio and sat alone for a couple of hours to give himself some time to think.
He couldn't go to sleep- he couldn't even close his eyes long enough to relax, that's how fast his mind had started to race.
He loved her- he loved her more than he loved just about anything in the whole world. But it was complicated and confusing... They had been through so much together- the kind of stuff that not only ruins marriages, but also ruins lives.
It was hard to prove how much love he had for her when he still blamed her... deep down, somewhere lost within the sadness and the fear, he was still a little mad at her, though that was something he would have never admitted aloud.
It wasn't until almost three when he finally settled down and fell asleep on the couch in the studio- the same place he had found himself most nights before he moved bedrooms.
It had always been easier to ignore her- ignore reality, rather than face it. And that's exactly what he did, more often than not.
"Dad?" Crews voice caused him to jolt early the next morning. "Dad, mom's on the kitchen floor." He said it in such a mundane manner, you would have thought it was totally normal.
Pushing himself up abruptly, Lindsey's eyes immediately started adjusting to the bright light. "Shit." He mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose as he rose to his feet.
Following his father out of the room, Crew quickly started to recount his morning. "I came downstairs for a glass of water and I found her, asleep on the floor..." he stated, watching as Lindsey tried to navigate his way through the dark house.
It was only a little after six, which was usually prime time for morning commotion in their home. But as luck would have it, it was Saturday, which meant silence and peace still lingered.
Lindsey didn't say much, not after he flipped on the kitchen to light to find his wife, laying flat on her stomach close to the island. Her head was turned to one side, hair still up in a clip as the faint sound of snoring filled the room.
She was a mess.
With a very gentle sigh, Lindsey slowly trailed closer. "You can go back to bed, Crew." He assured in a low tone, even though he was certain there was no way he was going to wake her that easily.
"Are you sure?" He didn't want to just bail, but he also knew that it was a very vulnerable moment... One of those moments that most people wouldn't want anyone to see.
"I'm sure." Lindsey nodded his head lightly as he slowly bent down next to her. "I'll take care of her."
"I thought she was getting better." He whispered, tears blurring his vision as he stared at his father with a blank expression.
Rubbing his tired eyes, Lindsey shook his head softly. "Don't worry, alright?" It wasn't fair for their kids to stress out about the adults... It was supposed to be the other way around. "She had a bad day, that was all." He shrugged, not exactly sure what excuse sounded best.
He had already used all of them at one point or another. He was running out of lies.
"You're going to hang out with your friends in a couple of hours, dude." Lindsey reminded him after a couple of minutes had gone by. "Don't worry about it." He repeated as his gaze traveled back to Stevie.
Crew stood in the doorway for a moment longer, watching as Lindsey gently rolled her on her side, and then, when he knew that everything was okay, he went back upstairs.
The kids knew that she struggled- it really wasn't a secret to the people close to them. She had taken it hard, like all mothers would. It was kind of natural in a weird way, but it had really been a long time, quite a few months since she'd had a moment like that... a moment of pure weakness and utter pain.
Sitting down next to her, he couldn't help but stare for a moment. "I'm sorry, Steph." Lindsey was sorry- sorry that he didn't know how to help her anymore.
