Sitting in the passenger seat, staring aimlessly out the window, Stevie watched as two rain drops raced down the glass. "Did we bring an umbrella?" Her voice was quiet and soft.
She didn't seem excited, not in the slightest.
Nodding her head, Carries eyes stayed on the road ahead. "There are a couple in here somewhere." She casually motioned towards the back of the SUV, almost certain she had thrown some in one of the bags as they were heading out for the first practice.
That wasn't necessarily part of the agreement she had made with her husband, but Stevie woke up that morning feeling a little more like herself, which didn't happen very often. And after puttering around the house all day, she finally decided that she wanted to go to the teams very first hockey practice to see her boys.
However, it really took a lot to get her motivated. She started getting around at noon, but wasn't actually ready to leave the house until almost five in the evening. She had a couple of cups of coffee, gave herself a little pep, called her therapist, and then sat in front of her vanity mirror forever, staring at herself.
She didn't look the same. Sometimes she couldn't even recognize the woman that was looking back at her. She always looked sad, even on the days that she didn't feel it as much.
"Mommy?" Clancy's little voice caught her attention from the backseat as she reached forward, hand meeting her mother's shoulder lightly.
Turning her head to the side, she glanced back at her little girl. "Yes, dear?" Bringing her hand up, she tangled their fingers together as she stared back into those sweet blue eyes.
"Daddy is gonna be so happy that you came." She announced with a toothless little smile.
With a soft laugh, Stevie gave her hand a squeeze. "You think daddy is going to be happy?" She creased a brow, watching as Clancy nodded her head quickly. "Why is that?" She wondered, knowing full and well that he probably wouldn't be that happy to see her... Not really.
"He loves you." She assured, one hundred percent certain of it. "And when you love someone, you're always happy to see them." She continued with a little shrug of her shoulders, almost like it was just that simple... Too bad it wasn't.
Leaning back in her seat, her head rolled to the window once more. "You're very wise, Clancy." She mentioned with a soft laugh.
"That was sweet." Carrie piped up, even though those words didn't necessarily settle easy with her.
It was hard to listen to that sort of stuff, especially since she was playing quite the role in Lindsey's life... She wanted him to love her the way he loved Stevie.
"I know daddy loves you because when you cry, he gets really sad, too." Clancy didn't say things like that very often, or ever actually.
She really didn't understand much of what was happening in the world around her, not like her older siblings did. She was young and even though life was incredibly difficult, they were still able to shield her from the harsh reality that the rest of them had faced.
It wasn't always easy, but it was worth it for just the simplicity of that careless, happy, imaginative rambling.
"And sometimes, when he knows that you're having a really bad day, he'll tell us really happy stories from a long time ago, like when you met." She was talking about a mile a minute, trying to get all of her words out as quick as possible.
Biting down on her lower lip, Stevie's brows wrinkled up. "I didn't know that." She whispered after a moment of silence had washed over them.
"He told us that you used to laugh all the time." She liked talking about it- it made her little heart happy. "He said it was the kind of laugh that would light up every room." Clancy concluded with a tone full of enthusiasm.
"Thank you." With tears in her eyes, Stevie let out a very low chuckle. "I needed to hear that, honey." She whispered as she used the pad of her fingers to dab the tears out from under her eyes. "Now, how about we listen to some music?" She quickly suggested, more than willing to change the topic of conversation.
And as soon as she turned up the radio, like clockwork, her mind drifted back in time.
Sometimes it was easy to forget that they were once people before they had children... They were fun people- talented people. They were able to travel the world, sell out huge arenas, and they even built a home together, but above all of those really wonderful things, they loved each other.
It was the kind of love that was unpredictable, hectic, sometimes messy, but it was still very beautiful... it was still theirs and it was still worth fighting for.
But losing a child is unlike anything either of them had ever experienced. It's something no person should ever have to go through.
Life isn't always fair, but that loss was just absolutely cruel.
"Earth to Mrs. B." Carrie waved her hand in front of the older woman's face, a soft laugh escaping her as she pulled Stevie back into reality. "We're here." She repeated for the third time.
Creasing a brow, Stevie glanced up, only to see Clancy, already standing outside the car. "You let her get out alone?" She was totally unenthused as she pushed open the car door to get out. "Come here." She demanded, snapping her fingers to her youngest daughter as her feet hit the pavement.
"She was fine." Carrie scoffed lightly, trying hard not to roll her eyes.
Sometimes she totally adored Stevie and then there were moments where she couldn't even stand to be around her. She was so hot and cold, which was almost irritating.
"Give me your hand." Stevie wiggled her fingers in Clancy's direction, taking her her hand immediately as she casually ignored the younger woman's comment.
Rolling her eyes, Carrie followed the women through the parking lot and into the building, where chaos instantly greeted them.
There was a ton of people- parents and children scattered around and right in the center, trying to accommodate everyone, was Lindsey.
Biting down on her lower lip, Clancy glanced up at her mom. "Daddy looks mad." She stated in a worried tone.
She didn't like when her parents got mad, especially not when they got mad at each other. And even at five, Clancy knew that look that lingered in Lindsey's eyes. She had seen it many times, but usually it was only directed towards Stevie.
Looking down at the little girl and then back at the nanny, Stevie was suddenly very anxious. "We'll just go find a seat and-" just as she was getting ready to finish her sentence, his hand met the small of her back.
"Hey," Lindsey unintentionally cut her off as he gave his wife a very soft smile.
He doubted her... He really did.
With a warm, almost shy grin trailing across her face, Stevie's eyes met his instantly. "You look busy, Lindsey." She motioned with one hand around the room, while the other hand stayed locked with Clancy's. "Is there anything I can help with?" She was really stepping out of her comfort zone and it was almost overwhelming.
But as she stared up at him, into the eyes she had once been madly in love with, she silently reminded herself that she could do it... She could be the woman that she used to be for the sake of their marriage.
With a soft laugh, he nodded his head lightly. "If you want to help me pass these out, that would be great." He held up half the stack of jersey forms.
To say that he was stunned to see her would have been an understatement... He was totally shocked, but really thrilled, nonetheless.
"Of course," she nodded her head, holding out her free hand for the loose papers.
"I'm really happy to see you, Steph."
