Trailing up the sidewalk, Lindsey let out a deep sigh as he drew closer to the front door of his home.
He had waited until he knew that the kids were all at school before he finally decided to get around and head that way... He just wanted a moment alone with his wife in order to explain, that was all.
And the truth was, he really didn't expect much. He didn't think that she would immediately forgive him right away, or anything crazy like that. He kind of just expected her to slam the door in his face and honestly, he wouldn't have really blamed her. He probably deserved it.
Anyway, he took his time getting there- he stopped to wave at the neighbors from across the street, look at the roses trailing up the sidewalk and just kind stall for a long moment.
He was really nervous to face her- more so than he had been in a lot of years, but he knew he had to if he wanted to make their marriage work and he did, more than anything else.
So, without a second thought, Lindsey brought his hand up to the door as he stared blankly at the wreath hanging on the hook.
He couldn't remember the last time Stevie had decorated for Christmas... It was good to see a little bit of festivity from her.
He waited a couple of minutes, shifting back and forth, and knocking softly every thirty seconds. At one point, after about ten minutes, he kind of thought that she wasn't going to answer...
She probably didn't want to talk.
And then, just as he was getting ready to take a seat on the front step, the door came open just a crack.
She was standing there in a long black skirt, a flowing white blouse with her long curls traveling down her back.
Stevie had always been beautiful, always... but for some reason, that morning, she really took his breath away.
"Did you lose your house key?" She creased a brow, not sure why he would knock on the front door of his own home... He still lived there, too.
Suddenly, his heart was beating a mile a minute as he shifted all his weight from one foot to the other yet again. "I just didn't want to bombard you..." he lingered with a gentle nod.
"You aren't..." She mumbled with a low sigh as her eyes fell to the welcome pat at his feet. "The kids are already at school, though." She added.
She could hardly even look at him...
Nodding softly, he paused for a short moment before he finally spoke up. "Did you take them this morning?" He wondered as his eyes scanned over her face.
She wasn't wearing any makeup- it was easier to not bother, rather than worry about crying it all off... It had been a difficult couple of days for her, it was pretty obvious.
"Yeah..." she lingered, raising a brow as she slowly moved to the side. "Are you going to stand outside all day, or are you gonna come in?" She sounded a little annoyed, but she was more sad than she was anything else.
Half heartedly, Lindsey put one foot in front of the other to venture into the foyer. "I've really missed you, Steph." Slipping one hand in his pants pocket, his eyes finally met hers.
Those brown orbs looked so sad... so disappointed.
"Don't do that, Lindsey." She warned, using her index finger to point in his direction. "Don't try to make me feel bad for doing what seems right."
Stevie had already gone through the motions of regretting her decision in telling him to leave. She knew it wasn't very fair, not to him, not to her, and not to their children, who had no idea what was actually going on.
She felt like a real failure- a failure as a wife, a mother, a friend.... She felt lost.
"I won't." Holding up his hands, he shook his head lightly. "You have nothing to feel bad about, Stevie." Lindsey added, watching as she casually fell back into the wall in order to catch herself.
"Oh, please..." she rolled her eyes softly as a deep breath escaped her. "I'm the reason we're in this situation." Stevie wasn't obvious, not at all.
She knew that she couldn't blame Lindsey for everything that had gone wrong in their marriage. Of course, it was his choice to cheat- he did that all on his own, but she understand that he hadn't always had it easy either.
Stevie had struggled a lot, which really did, eventually take a toll on the people around her. And for some reason, even though she was incredibly upset with him, she also kind of understood why he did what he did.
He had never sought out help after Allison, not like she had, and he probably needed someone to talk to as well, especially since the one person he had always turned to had suddenly shut herself completely down.
She knew she hadn't taken his feelings into consideration and it wasn't actually that surprising to find out that he had found comfort in someone else.
It just hurt, a lot.
"Don't blame yourself for my mistakes, Stevie." Lindsey was at fault, he knew that.
Biting down on her lower lip, her eyes traveled the room aimlessly. "It's really hard not to." She whispered with a gentle nod.
Lindsey had this urge to reach out and pull her in when he saw the tears fill the brims of her eyes, but he knew he shouldn't... She wouldn't have liked that, not in that moment. "Please..." shaking his head softly, he felt another wave of guilt wash over him instantly. "I'm so sorry that I've put us in this situation." His voice was so low and so soft.
Swallowing hard, Stevie brought a hand up to her face to wipe away some of the tears. "I don't know what to do, Lindsey." She announced, ignoring his apology as best she could.
She had thought about it for days- she'd hardly even slept, that's how overwhelming it felt.
He creased a brow as a weak frown danced across his face. "What do you mean?" He already knew, he could tell by the way her eyes had dropped to the floor.
"I don't know what I want..." those words were as hard for her to admit as they were for him to hear. "I thought we were doing so much better, Lindsey and then..." waving her hand in the air, she couldn't help but scoff, even though the tears were still running in a river down her cheeks. "And now it feels like we're back at square one." Defeated was an understatement- she felt like they had hit rock bottom.
"We can make this work, Stevie." He replied in a haste as this feeling of pure panic flooded his body.
He didn't want to lose her... He couldn't lose her.
Holding up a hand, she silently told him to settle down some. "I'm taking the kids with me to Arizona to see my parents for Christmas." She casually reached down, pulling open the drawer of the accent table. "Here are the condo keys..." she mumbled, setting them down on the marble top.
Bringing a hand up to his face, Lindsey rubbed his temple lightly. "I don't want it to end this way." He didn't want it to end at all... he was more than willing to fight for their marriage.
"I'm not saying that this is the end." She shook her head lightly as her voice cracked. "I just need time to figure out if this is still where we belong..."
