Pulling down their driveway, Lindsey reached out to turn off the radio. "What sounds good for dinner?" He hadn't really thought out their entire "date night" thing, only because a part of him- the more realistic part, felt like she would back out last minute.
It might sound horrible, or maybe it doesn't, but he really hadn't gotten his hopes up for that night. He figured that he would get around, then pace the house for two hours, until she finally announced that she didn't feel well, or that she wasn't even hungry. But he was happy, happier than he even realized when he saw her standing there, ready to go.
It felt like hope and happiness was lingering not too far, even though this was just the very beginning of fixing their tarnished marriage.
Shifting in the passenger seat, Stevie bit down on her lower lip. "It doesn't matter to me." That answer didn't shock him, not in the slightest.
She was very indecisive, yet he knew that whatever he suggested wouldn't be good either... Dinner was a stressful conversation in their home.
With a soft laugh, he thought about it for a second. "We can go to that little Italian place downtown?"
Shaking her head, she wrinkled her nose. "Ehh," she wasn't necessarily picky, but she also wasn't the easiest woman to please either.
"Okay..." raising a brow, he stopped at the end of the driveway, only to give them a moment to figure out which way they were headed. "We can go to that Steakhouse? I thought you-"
"I don't care." She mumbled, eyes falling into her lap to stare down at her hands as she twisted her gold wedding band around in slow circles.
She was nervous. After twenty years of marriage, she was nervous to go out with her husband.
Trying hard not to roll his eyes, he chewed on the inside of his cheek softly. "You do care." He protested, knowing full and well that if he picked where they went, she would probably complain.
"Can we not argue?" She wondered, seriously not in the mood to ruin their evening already.
With a soft sigh, Lindsey nodded lightly. "We're going to have a good time, Steph." He said that in hopes of assuring them both, but that was a hard promise to make.
~~~
"I'm not kidding." Carrie warned. "You have to be home by nine, or else your mother will flip out." She added, handing Lola her sweater.
With a big smile trailing across her face, Lola slipped it over her shoulders as she raced through the kitchen. "You're the best!" She shouted, grabbing her shoes off the foyer floor in a heist.
"Nine, seriously." Crossing her arms over her chest, the nanny followed not too far behind. "And you have to get a ride back home. I can't pick you up this time."
With a gentle thumbs up, Lola snatched her backpack off the bench. "See you at nine!" She assured as she trailed outside into the chilly night air, where a car was waiting in the drive for her.
~~~
Sitting across from the blonde at the booth, Lindsey tried not to stare too much, but it was really hard not to.
He couldn't remember the last time that they had gone out to dinner together, just the two of them. He was certain that it was before the accident, but he couldn't quite pinpoint when exactly.
In fact, as he thought about it, he really couldn't remember the last time he had spent any kind of alone time with his wife... It had been years.
"Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?" He had to tell her again... She was breath taking.
Looking up from the menu, her lips formed a smile and she let out a very low laugh.
She didn't feel very beautiful- not that night, or any other night for that matter. She always felt the same, even when everyone told her otherwise.
"That's very sweet, Lindsey." She whispered, pushing her loose curls behind her ear, which made her facial features far more prominent.
"I've really missed you." He admitted, eyes melting right into those deep brown orbs from across the table.
He did love her, even if he failed to show it at times. But it wasn't always easy- life and love can both be very cruel and unfair... Their marriage was no different than anyone else's.
Creasing a brow, she unintentionally allowed tears to fill the brims of her eyes. "I'm sorry." Her voice cracked as she brought her hand up to shield all of her emotion. "I don't know how to do this anymore." Stevie hated saying it aloud, but it was the truth.
There were days that she didn't even know how she had found herself there to even begin with. Somedays all she wished for was to go back in time and not get married to him...She felt like he deserved better.
He deserved a wife that wanted to be a stay at home mom, bake cookies, go to PTA meetings and clean the house without any extra help... She wasn't that- she wasn't any of those things, yet he was still there.
He was still holding out for her and she wasn't sure why.
"I mean, I have tried so hard to move on and I can't do it." She was bawling at that point- she had totally lost any composure she was trying to withhold. "And I know that you don't want to talk about it with me, which is-"
"We can talk about it, Steph." He reached across the table, taking her hand in his to reassure her that he was there...
He was still there, and he was still the same man that had been through hell with her.
"It wasn't fair, but you can't keep blaming yourself for what happened." His eyes scanned over her face, biting down on the inside of his cheek as he tried not to let it get to him too.
He didn't want to cry... They would have looked crazier than they were.
Shaking her head, she wiped her eyes with one hand as the other held onto his. "Do you think we'll actually be able to get over this?" She didn't see light at the end of the tunnel, not like she thought that she was supposed to.
She had read books, watched movies, went to therapy religiously and nothing worked. She didn't think she would ever be herself again and she wasn't sure if Lindsey would put up with it forever.
"No, I don't think so." he raised a brow, "I don't think we will ever get over losing Alli." He didn't say her name often- it broke his heart when he did. "We were supposed to have her forever, Steph." he lingered, shaking his head in disbelief. "But that doesn't mean life stops, either. We still have three incredible kids and... and we still have each other to fight for." Lindsey's eyes fell to the wood table as he continued to rub her knuckles with the pad of his thumb. "And I don't want to give up." He didn't want to, not for anything.
They still had things to do together... They had dreams, and goals and he wasn't willing to just throw in the towel quite yet.
Her lips trembled as she closed her eyes to take in those words. "I don't want to either."
