Calm My World [Kagehina]

Chapter 8: Crush

That night, Hinata laid awake in his bed, staring into the darkness and thinking about some beautiful blue eyes. He had enjoyed his study date with Kageyama that afternoon and was, if he was honest with himself, eager to see him again tomorrow. Hinata admitted to himself that he might be developing a tiny crush on his awkward but gorgeous friend.

He thought back to their study date this afternoon. Kageyama was staring at him intensely, his blue eyes boring into Hinata's brown ones, seemingly hanging on Hinata's words. Kageyama seemed a little nervous at first, playing with his hands, which was cute. Clearly Kageyama took a while to warm up to people, but Hinata thought by the end of their study date, he had relaxed quite a bit.

And he was kind. Hinata thought about Kageyama's comments about Yuji. Hinata knew he shouldn't have brought it up, but it just kind of slipped out. He was so used to Yuji putting him down, telling him he was stupid and short and smiled too much, that he heard still heard Yuji's voice in his head too often, filling him with self-doubt.

Hinata had broken up with Yuji six months ago, but still had a hard time shaking the experience and moving forward. He questioned himself a lot. And he absolutely hated that he still occasionally saw Yuji around campus. When he did see him, Hinata felt the shame and anger bubbling up all over again.

Yuji was a fake, plain and simple, and Hinata was ashamed that he had not seen it soon enough. Yuji flattered and simped and pretended to be everyone's friend, until he stabbed them in the back when it served his purposes. He was terribly mean, but said it in a joking manner and then told his victims that they couldn't take a joke. He was good looking, all blonde and tall and devastatingly handsome and everyone was drawn to him. Hinata sure had been, stupidly.

Hinata had been with Yuji for a few months, and never saw how toxic he was. It wasn't until Yamaguchi had pulled Hinata aside and told him, in no uncertain terms, that Yuji was no good for him and that Hinata should break up with him. But Hinata, stupidly thinking he was in love, ignored his friend's comments and made excuses for his boyfriend, who continued to put him down.

It wasn't until Yuji cheated on him that Hinata began to see his true colors and had the strength to break up with him. But not before Yuji tried to convince Hinata that it was Hinata's fault he cheated because Hinata wouldn't have sex with him. What an asshole.

The fact that Kageyama had recognized right away that Yuji wasn't nice and didn't deserve him, that was pretty cool. Hinata remembered Kageyama's words, "You don't need a boyfriend like that," and the memory made him a little flushed with pleasure.

Kageyama was straightforward. There was no pretense, no faking. Hinata liked that. He could trust that directness, he liked that directness. It was refreshing to not have to question someone's motivation and whether they were lying to you, that was for sure.

So yeah, between those piercing blue eyes and his kindness and lack of pretense, Hinata might be developing a little crush. So much so that when Kageyama said he was gay, Hinata had said, "Okay. Good." Oops. Not quite the thing to say when someone comes out to you, but Hinata had been thinking after hearing that news, that maybe Kageyama would be interested in him even though he was dumb and short and smiled too much. So the "good" part had just slipped out. He desperately hoped that Kageyama hadn't noticed that.

And so, throughout their study date, Hinata had to force himself to look away from Kageyama's handsome face so he could concentrate on their project. Not that either of them had much of a clue of how to complete it, but he didn't care. He was more excited about having an excuse to be around Kageyama than he cared about his grade.

He was, honestly, hoping it would take them a long time to complete the project, because he'd have more reasons to spend time with Kageyama. So, although he said he would ask his friends for help, he wasn't going to be too serious about it. At least not yet. That wasn't dishonest, was it? It was just... lazy.