Calm My World [Kagehina]

Chapter 21: Trust

Between Sunday and Tuesday, Kageyama's thoughts were flooded with anxiety and uncertainty over Hinata's proposition. Something else "new" when he had just gotten past the other stuff. Could he do it? Would he be too nervous? Did he even want to do it that way? Before Sunday, when he pictured himself having sex, it was never as the bottom. So, what did that mean? Did it mean anything?

He spent two days considering the problem from all angles – the preparation for the new role, if he felt comfortable trying it, if he even wanted to. He knew he wanted to make Hinata happy, but he also knew that he didn't need to say yes. He trusted Hinata when he had assured him that it would be okay either way.

The main thing that brought him back over and over again was curiosity. He couldn't help but remember that Hinata was having a hell of a good time Saturday night and he'd be lying if he said part of him didn't want to see what that was all about.

By Tuesday night, curiosity had overcome anxiety and he told Hinata he would do it. The appreciation blow job he got after that didn't cause him any regrets either.

Between Wednesday and Saturday, Kageyama did more reading on the internet and managed to avoid any further trauma, but still got some ideas on how to prepare for this new role. By Saturday, he felt prepared, though still nervous. But, he reasoned, he didn't think his anxiety would ever allow him to approach something completely new without rearing its ugly head, so he figured that it was all in the vicinity of normal for him.

Suga and Daichi had agreed to give them alone time in the apartment until at least eleven o'clock, so Kageyama had spent the afternoon finishing homework, tidying up, and taking a shower.

Hinata was supposed to be there around eight o'clock, but by 7:30, Kageyama had gotten so nervous he had to take another shower and when Hinata arrived shortly before 8:00, Kageyama's hair was still wet.

"Hey," Hinata said, pulling Kageyama down for a hello kiss by the front of his blue, long-sleeved t-shirt. Hinata briefly remembered why Kageyama wore long sleeves most of the time and felt a brief pang at the scars the sleeves hid. He hoped and prayed no new scars would ever appear on that gorgeous skin.

"Hey, babe," Kageyama replied, closing the door behind his boyfriend. "Did you get everything done today?" Hinata had a big project he was working on with Yamaguchi for one of their classes and he had hoped to finish up the work before coming over tonight.

"Yes, we're finished, thank God. So I won't have to worry about anything tonight except for you."

Kageyama blushed a little at the statement but was secretly pleased at the thought. Yeah, he was stupid in love and he didn't care.

Hinata toed off his shoes and they made their way to the sofa. "Wanna watch a movie?" Kageyama asked.

"Sure," Hinata replied, sensing that his boyfriend was nervous.

"You pick," Kagayama said, "and I'll make popcorn."

A few minutes later they were snuggled on the sofa with Cokes and popcorn and a random movie. Hinata could sense that Kageyama was tense, he wasn't eating any popcorn and seemed to be staring blankly at the screen. Hinata had hoped Tobio would relax a little as the movie went on, but that didn't seem to happen, so he took matters into his own hands.

He began by running a hand over Kageyama's thigh, softly at first and then with a little more pressure. He felt the moment that the touch brought Tobio out of his daze. Kageyama looked down and raised one corner of his mouth in a small smile and Hinata felt him relax fractionally.

They watched the movie for a bit longer with no touching but Hinata's hand on Kageyama's thigh, but after a while, it was clear that neither was invested in the movie and so Hinata's hand began roaming a little more. Up further, ghosting across Kageyama's crotch, causing the dark-haired male to tense up momentarily before relaxing. Hinata moved his hand up further, up over Kageyama's stomach and chest and to his face, where he gently touched Kageyama's jaw and turned his head so they were facing each other.