Calm My World [Kagehina]

Chapter 22: Graduation

[Two years later]

Shoyo and Tobio were finishing their final year of college and their graduation was just a week away. They had been sharing their apartment for a year, since Suga graduated and moved in with Daichi. At that point, Shoyo moved in with Tobio, leaving Yamaguchi and Tsukishima alone in their apartment. It worked out well because no one had to listen to their roommates fucking and everyone then got to fuck without roommates listening. It was a win all around.

Over the last couple of years, Shoyo had come into his own. His time with Yuji was a distant memory that barely warranted any brain cells anymore. He rarely, if ever, called himself dumb anymore and Tobio was right there to call him on it if he did. Shoyo was no longer subconscious about smiling; Tobio loved his smile and encouraged him to smile as much as possible, though for more selfish reasons than Tobio might have been willing to admit.

They sometimes saw Nakamura around campus and Shoyo and Nakamura would nod and say hello pleasantly enough. They still sometimes saw Yuji too, but Shoyo no longer cowered and avoided him. Shoyo now just stared him down until Yuji looked away. Shoyo knew he had nothing to be ashamed of.

He was done being a victim a long time ago.

Tobio had come a long way as well. He still got anxious and nervous, but didn't spiral so much with Shoyo at his side. The scars on his arm were fading, and he was considering a tattoo to cover them up and to remind himself of what he had overcome.

At night, Tobio still sometimes had trouble sleeping, but listening to Shoyo's breathing helped calm him, and when things got bad, Shoyo was always there to comfort him, help him see logic, and set aside crazy worries. Shoyo was always there to say, "Hey, it's just you and me. It's alright." Sho was always there to smooth the wrinkles from his brow, to relax his tense muscles, to talk to him soothingly and reassure him, to hold him until he stopped shaking and relaxed into his boyfriend's embrace.

Tobio knew he would probably always have anxiety, would probably always be a worrier, but with Shoyo by his side, it all seemed like a side story instead of the main focus of his life that it used to be. Anxiety had no role as the main character anymore because Shoyo had taken over that role, the focus and center of Tobio's life, the thing that he lived for and wanted to wake up to and fall asleep next to every day for his entire life. Shoyo was his world.

With graduation coming up within a week, Tobio was nervous again, but this time he couldn't tell Shoyo what he was worried about.

Tobio was planning to propose.

So he couldn't spill the beans to Shoyo, but he was obsessed with planning and preparing for every possibility. He had been rehearsing his speech. He had been debating exactly when to do it, and he was nervous that Shoyo might say no, might think they are too young (they're 22, that's not too young, right?).

Unfortunately, a small, latent part of his brain woke up to say, 'He doesn't want you, who would want you?' But he had pushed it aside, knowing in his heart that those were lies that he long since stopped believing. No, he trusted Shoyo, knew this was right, felt in his heart that Shoyo would want this commitment, would want to know that Tobio wanted to promise to spend his life with him.

By Tuesday, Shoyo had noticed that Tobio was off. "What's wrong babe?"

"Nothing," Tobio lied.

After all this time, Shoyo was not fooled. He ventured, "Nervous about graduation and moving?"

"Yeah, I guess."

They were planning to move out of this campus apartment to another nicer place across town, since they both had good jobs lined up and would be making decent money. They had to finish packing by Friday night, and then Saturday their families would come for the graduation ceremony and to help move their stuff to their new place afterwards.