iLove

Chapter 8

"What are you smiling about?" Izzy asked the next morning in the locker room "I thought you were suffering worse than the rest of us?"

"Oh I am." she sighed with a smile "But I have something to accomplish, as soon as possible."

"What's that."

"Telling Shepherd that he's being an ass."

"Funny." Izzy laughed and then saw a blank look in return from Meredith "Oh my god you're serious!"

"Completely."

"He's going to kill you. He's going to make you do nurse duty for the rest of your career."

"He already hates me, he already makes me suffer. Why not tell him what I feel."

"Meredith." she shook her head "You know you're insane right?"

"My day can't possibly get any worse, I'm telling him how I feel."

Izzy just shook her head and walked out of the locker room. Meredith slipped into her lab coat and walked out as well. She was surprised at how quickly she saw him, she was halfway hoping that she would have a little time to rehearse her speech but there he was, at the end of the hall at the nurses station on the phone, barking out an order and already ruining someone else's day at not even six in the morning. She sucked in a deep breath and walked the distance, stopping behind him. He slammed the phone shut, causing her to jump a little and turned around, surprised to see her there.

"What!" he yelped. She opened her mouth but her words got caught up and jumbled on her tongue, so she closed her mouth and gulped "Dr. Grey if you have nothing to say then get out of my way and go find something useful to do!"

"You are an asshole!" she blurted out, he rocked back on his heels and stared at her startled "You are a jerk, and an asshole and I don't know why you are but you should really look at the way you treat people. I know you think you can act however the hell you think you can because you're an attending and a brain surgeon, but really there are certain things that are acceptable and some that aren't and you cross the line between them often and don't give a rats ass how it makes others feel. I know I'm your student, and I know I've got a lot to learn. But damnit I can still be talked to like a human being! So just stop being an asshole."

She took a breath to regain her oxygen level and stared up at his incredulous, shocked expression, wondering if maybe she'd made a mistake. He finally straightened up and cleared his throat.

"Anything else?"

"No," she nodded "that's about it."

"Alright then." he nodded "Have a good morning Dr. Grey."

He walked around her and down the hall, almost ready to shake his head. She stared at the spot that he had been in disbelief that she'd just done what she did, and even more so that he hadn't reamed her in return. She heard a giggle and looked up to see nurse on the other side of the desk, she winked at Meredith.

"Way to go." she whispered.

"Um.. Thanks." Meredith mumbled... she felt someone bump into her and looked over to see George rushing down the hall "Where's the fire?"

"Aren't you coming?" he called back "There's some big meeting in the conference room, you better hurry or you won't get in."

"Um yeah." she stuttered a little and then chased after George.

George wasn't kidding. When they got there the room was packed, by Attendings, residents, interns, and even some nurses. She was glad she was so small, she squeezed between a few people until she found George and Izzy.

"What's going on?" she whispered.

"Don't know." Izzy shrugged, "How did your thing go? Did you chicken out?"

"No, I told him." she mumbled.

"Was he ready to end your surgical career?"

"No." Meredith frowned

"Seriously?" Izzy asked "What did he say?"

"He said...is that all? And then he walked away."

Izzy's mouth dropped open "You must have caught him on some out of the blue good mood or you are a very lucky person Meredith Grey."

"I don't know." she mumbled "I have a feeling the worse is yet to come. Maybe he's just planning out a way to torture me."

"Maybe." she replied "But you said that your life can't possibly get any worse right?"

"Right." she sighed "It can't possibly get any worse, being an intern sucks."

"Alright everyone, thanks for coming!" they heard and looked up to see Chief Brown enter the room through the side door. "I know you all have jobs to get back to so I'll make this quick. I'm retiring." There were a few gasps in the room and then everyone started talking amongst themselves at once, "People! People! Is it really that much of a shock? I'm pushing 75 years old! I have loved working with all of you for all these years, and that's why I've found the perfect replacement."

"Oh my god." Izzy whispered "Who do you think he picked?"

"God I hope it's not Shepherd." Meredith whispered "That would be the worst thing in the world."

"I know right." George chuckled.

"I have taken a lot of time to consider all the options, inside and outside of the hospital. And have decided to hire my replacement outside of the hospital, though I think there are a lot of wonderful doctors who would make a great chief! However this person will be no stranger to you all, I'm sure you all know her very well. Ellis?"

"Oh no." Meredith gasped.

"What Mer?" Izzy asked.

"Oh dear god."

"Everyone I'd like you to meet your new chief of surgery Dr. Ellis Grey." there were a few more gasps and the room filled with applause.

"Oh god, oh god." Meredith was gasping to herself while rubbing her temples "This isn't happening, Izzy tell me this isn't happening."

"Something tells me she wishes Shepherd were the chief of surgery now." George mumbles, Izzy slapped his shoulder and then turned her attention to Meredith.

"Mer, honey?" she asked "You're looking a little pale. Are you ok?"

"Yes. No. No, definitely not." she whispered.

She felt the room start to spin as she gasped for air that seemed to not enter her lungs. She turned to rush out of the room but it was too packed full of people. She turned back to Izzy looking panicked and feeling on the version of hyperventilating when she felt someone grab her hand tightly and pull her through a few people and through a doorway. The door shut and it was dark, she wondered if maybe she'd passed out but she heard noises, a lamp turned on...it was a closet. She was handed a paper bag and she placed it over her mouth and started to breathe as she slid down the wall to the floor. She closed her eyes and breathed into the bag until her breathing started to steady out and decided to finally look up and see who her savior was. She looked and saw the last person she thought she would see squatting down in front of her.

"You look terrible." he said in a low rough voice "I've seen coded patients with better color."

"You...you...you." she gasped and stuttered

"Keep the bag on." he said pushing her hand up "It'll help."

"Why are you doing this." she said in a muffled voice through the paper bag "You hate me."

He winced, looking almost wounded by the comment and gulped "I don't hate you." he mumbled.

"Then why are you so mean to me?" she asks incredulously "You seem to pick me out of the crowd to torture me."

"You just...you remind me of..." he sighs "Me." she stares at him shocked as he stands up and paces a little "And it makes me a little uncomfortable...I know you're going to be a great surgeon someday, and for some reason I feel like I need to shape you into just that... and cruelty is the only way I seem to know how to."

"It's not the only way." she mumbles, finally lowering the bag from her mouth. He sighs and squats down in front of her again. "How do I look?"

"You've got a little more color," He says with almost a hint of a smile "but how do you feel?"

"Like as soon as I walk out there my life will be over."

"You don't like your mother being chief of surgery at the hospital you're interning at anymore than I did."

"Your mother was a doctor?"

"No," he shook his head "my father was. And he was a hard as...like I am now."

"You don't sound happy about that fact."

"I'm not." he muttered "But I don't know anything else to be. I don't... I don't know how to act around you."

"Why am I any different than anyone else?" she asked. He stared at her blankly, almost studying her or searching for something to say.

"I don't know." he said

"Need some tips?"

"I thought I was your teacher."

"Sometimes the teacher needs teaching too." she smiled. He let out a sigh and glanced at the closed door.

"I think everyone's gone now." he mumbled and cracked the door open, he saw an empty room and then flung the door open. He looked down to see her staring blankly at the room outside the door, as if it were a whole new world, unknown to her.. "You have to go out there."

"I know." she mumbled.

"You have to take the first step."

She looked up at him and nodded, gulped and them stumbled a little as she got up. Then took a deep breath and stepped out of the closet.

"Thanks." she mumbled before stumbling off and out the room.

He felt a small smile on his lips, he started to walk out of the room when he saw something on the floor in the closet. He reached down and picked up the small black phone, he turned to call after her but she was long gone, so he told himself he would give it to her later and stuffed it in his pocket. He left the conference room and turned down a side hallway and took his phone out of the other pocket and opened the IM.

DASH109: Meg, you on?

He sent the message and heard a ding in his pocket. He frowned and reached in the other pocket reluctantly but curiously and pulled the unfamiliar black phone out and looked at the IM screen, displaying the message that he'd just sent out to his favorite talk buddy...someone he couldn't stop thinking about, someone he secretly wanted something more than just online chats with...all on Meredith Grey's phone. He felt the blood in his face drain as he stared aimlessly at it.

"Noooooooo."

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