iLove

Chapter 59

Hey everyone! I'm sorry I haven't posted new chapters for a few days already. I've been really busy with school and just haven't found the time to post updates. On a lighter note, I'll be able to post more since I'm almost done with my schoolwork, so this FanFic is probably going to end soon also. But don't worry! I'll be posting new stories soon after this one's finished and I'm planning to collaborate with one of my bestfriends to make a FanFic that's truly ours and it may even be a trilogy or a series! Not promising anything yet but I'll be sure to have something in store for you.

Anyway... ENJOY READING!

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Meredith stirred a little in her sleep, it was the middle of the night but she was having a hard time finding rest. Carter was doing wonderfully, he didn't need anything more than his mommy's milk for him to thrive. His sister Morgan though, was having a little rougher time. She was in the NICU on oxygen and needing a feeding tube because she wouldn't eat.

She felt guilty, an incredible amount of guilt. If she'd gone to see Addison more maybe they would have seem Morgan inutero, or if she'd been less stressed out in her pregnancy, maybe she could have stayed pregnant longer, maybe the babies could have stayed in a little longer. She rolled over and tried to get comfortable again, but along with the guilt, the instant worry of a mother settled in. She had no idea how quickly and strongly she would feel it.

She heard a humming sound and frowned, she thought Derek was in the NICU with Morgan as she asked him to. She opened her eyes and saw someone sitting in the rocking chair, softly moving back and forth with Carter in her arms. Meredith sat up slowly and looked through the dim light of the room in shock. She was in a black button up shirt and black slacks, as if she'd just hung up her white coat. And she hummed a lullaby as she looked down at Carter with such adoration and love.

"Mom?" Meredith whispered.

She looked up and smiled brightly at her, so brightly Meredith was caught off guard, she'd never seen her mother look so happy before.

"He's absolutely beautiful darling." She said "You did a wonderful job."

"What?" she asked, her head felt like it was spinning.

"Look," she smiled "I know I wasn't a very good mother to you. I always put work first and I was a very selfish mother. But darling that doesn't mean I didn't love you."

"You do?" Meredith mumbled "But you always made my life hell."

"I only wanted the best for you." Ellis said "It's a rough world for women, I felt that if I toughened you up that you could make it, that you could be one of the greats...even greater than me."

"I'm worried." Meredith confessed, tears burned her eyes "I'm worried that I'll be bad mom."

"You're already doing a marvelous job sweetheart." She smiled "You were an honest champion in my opinion."

"But Morgan." She sniffled "She's so weak, I'm afraid she won't make it."

"But she will." Ellis smiled "She's strong...a lot like her mother. She's just little right now. And you'll be an excellent mother. You have a lot of care in you, and you're not selfish like me. Your children will be very blessed." She laughed lightly as Carter made a grunting noise "And Derek will help you, he loves you and the babies. You will have twice as good a life as I ever did."

"Mom?" Meredith frowned.

She felt incredibly confused, the woman in front of her was indeed her mother, looked like her, sounded like her, but wasn't at all acting like her. It was as if she were dreaming, because this was always how she dreamed her mother would be towards her. Ellis stood up and kissed Carter on the cheek, she then placed him back in the bassinet and walked over to the bed and sat down.

"I need to go now darling." Ellis smiled and leaned over, placing a kiss on Meredith's forehead then rubbed her cheek, wiping a tear away "Please know that a day hasn't gone by where you didn't make me proud. I love you Meredith, you were the best daughter."

"Mom." Meredith whispered.

"Shhh." Ellis murmured "Close your eyes dear, you need your rest."

Meredith conceded and closed her eyes. She felt a kiss on her cheek and relaxed into the pillow but felt restless, suddenly felt anxious, like she didn't want this one wonderful moment with her mother to pass so quickly.

"Mom!" she gasped as she opened her eyes and looked around the empty dark room, tears filled her eyes and she whimpered "Mommy..."

She sniffled a little and heard Carter start to fuss. She got up and picked him up, she nursed him and changed his diaper, surprised at how natural the mommy stuff came to her. After rocking him back to sleep she climbed back into bed herself and managed to let the exhaustion take over and pull her back to sleep. She didn't know how long she was out but when she did wake up there was a bright light in the room, it almost seemed like late morning. She heard a mumble and looked over to see Derek sitting next to her bed holding a baby in his arms, at first she thought it was Carter but then she saw the pink bonnet.

"Morgan." She gasped, "Is that Morgan?"

"Yes." He grinned at her "She suddenly took a turn for the better around midnight."

"Let me hold her." Meredith whimpered as tears filled her eyes with relief to see her baby girl looking so good. He stood up and brought the little baby to her mommy and placed her into her arms. Meredith placed a long kiss on the top of her soft head full of brown waves "Oh Morgan, I love you so much!"

"Meredith." Derek mumbled. She tensed at the sound in his voice, as if he had something bad to tell her, she looked up and gulped as his face matched the remorse in his tone "I have something to tell you."

"What happened?"

He sighed heavily and sat down next to her on the bed, "It's your mother." He said, she frowned a little "She had a brain aneurysm, and it ruptured last night."

"Oh god." She gasped. "Is she ok?"

"I'm sorry." He whispered "We did everything we could."

"But when...when did this happen!" she said with a trembling voice.

"Just before midnight."

"That's impossible." She muttered "I saw her, I talked to her after midnight...she was in this room and she was..."

"She was what?"

"She was like a dream come true." She mumbled and squeezed her eyes close as tears spilled out the corners. She hugged her daughter tightly to her chest and kissed the top of her head. Derek wrapped his arms around them and held her tightly as she sobbed.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"It's ok." She said "I had one good memory with her...and that was worth all the bad ones."

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