iLove

Chapter 18

It was seven thirty and Meredith stood in front of her bathroom mirror for one last assessment on her look. Her hair was brushed, she was shaved and waxed and had a clean shirt on. She didn't know what exactly to wear, or what Dash would be wearing, but decided to just go casual and warm since they'd be meeting outside. She was wearing dark wash jeans, a lavender sweater with a white undershirt and a black wool coat. Finally happy with her look, or too nervous to change it, she headed down the stairs to leave. Just as she opened the door she almost bombarded herself with two bodies.

"Ah!" she screamed and stumbled back "What the hell are you guys doing here!"

"We were coming over to pick out our rooms." Izzy said just as startled.

"Where are you going?" George smirked.

"None of your business!" Meredith hissed "And I told you that you were getting keys tomorrow, now shoo!"

"But we want to know how much to bring and how much to put in storage."

"I have a basement, now go." Meredith huffed.

"You're in a real hurry." George smirked "Going off on a hot date?"

"No." she scowled.

"I bet she's running off to me cyber-boyfriend." Izzy giggled, Meredith gulped, they both gasped "Oh my god! That's what you're doing!"

"If I let you guys in will you not talk about this!"

"If you let us in we won't talk about this." George repeated, she moved and let them in the house as she stepped out "Today anyway."

Meredith rolled her eyes and slammed the door behind her as she rushed down the steps and to her car in the driveway. It took her less time to get across town than she thought, she parked her car in the lot and then walked towards the hill, found the trail and climbed up it still with fifteen minutes to spare. She felt a little breathless and her heart beating rapidly wondering if he was already there. She gulped as she got to the top of the ridge and felt a little relief mixed with disappointment to find it empty. She took a few deep calming breaths and stood, looking out at the bay to wait...

Five minutes passed and it felt like five hours, she shifted a little in her spot and tried to ignore her inner voice questioning her sanity. This was crazy, normal people don't do this. And why did she pick this spot, why didn't she choose a more public place where she could get away quickly or scream where someone could hear her if the guy turned out to be a monster. She played with her phone inside her jacket pocket, flipping it over and over and wondering if maybe he wasn't coming. Maybe he would just stand her up because he couldn't think of a nice way to let her down. Maybe...crunch.

She heard the sound of grass and twigs breaking way under someone's foot and gulped, she closed her eyes and turned around slowly and was met by a pair of shimmering ocean blue eyes. She felt her breath taken away instantly to see the familiar face standing there staring at her so vulnerably. At first she wondered if he'd come to protect her, to beg for her, but then she realized that she'd only shared the information with one of them.. And that one was both of them, standing there a few feet away from her. His eyes lifted in a light amusement and he smiled at her.

"Derek Alexander Shepherd, birthday January, 9th...." he breathed "Dash 1-0-9."

"Meredith Emily Grey." she stuttered still in disbelief "Birthday, February 16th.....MEG216."

They stared at each other across the short distance with a myriad of expressions running across their faces. She took a moment to accept that this is the person she'd found herself so attached to, the person she was falling for. Recently it seemed it were two men, and now the complication of a love triangle all faded into the perfection of him. Derek was Dash, Dash was Derek...she felt excitement bubble up in her gut and she gulped.

"It's really you." she mumbled.

"Are you disappointed?" He asked and feared.

Meredith stepped towards him a few steps, closing the distance between them. His eyes followed her, and he looked at her as if he were satisfied enough to never look at another thing in the world again. She stopped just close enough to feel his breath rush warmly across her cheeks and looked widely into his eyes.

"I wanted it to be you." she whispered just before she lifted herself onto her toes and pressed her lips against his.

Perhaps it was intended to be a short, soft, innocent kiss of welcome and introduction of one mouth to the other. But something happened between them that neither expected, a cosmic reaction of sorts exploded as soon as their lips parted and connected to the other. Adrenaline and warmth shot through their veins and they saw sparks behind their closed eyelids. Their arms wrapped around each other and moans traveled through their throats as they embraced tightly, feeling the need to be as close as humanly possible. They could have stayed like that the entire night, perhaps even their entire life. But questions needed to be asked and answered, complications weighed heavily between them, the relief of finally being together and connected on a new level wouldn't suffice. After a few, long breathless minutes they parted and panted heavily against each other's swollen lips.

"You knew." she whispered.

"Yes." he confessed.

"How long?"

"The day of the conference, when you left your phone in the closet." he sighed "I sent you a message and I heard your phone go off.. I couldn't help myself."

"You didn't tell me." she stated, sounding almost angry about it.

"Meredith," he breathed "I didn't want to lose you."

"But all this time you went knowing it was me, and tricking me, and playing mind games."

"I'm sorry." he gulped "I just...I felt like if you knew it was me you would run. And then we started having feelings anyway, and I wanted to know who you wanted, me or Dash?"

"But you are Dash."

"To you yes, I am." he said "But to the rest of the world I am two different people."

"Yes you are." she swallowed "You're Dr. Shepherd, the angry at the world, asshole attending to everyone else and to me you're....you."

Her eyes fell onto his lips and she found herself longing for them against hers again. Afraid that giving into that craving would prevent them from the talk they needed to have she took a step back and sighed.

"What are we going to do Derek?"

"What should we do?" he asked "Do you still want me?"

"Of course!" she gasped "Of course I do, but I have no idea how."

"You don't want anyone to know then."

"No one can know." she sighed "Because she can't know, she just wouldn't allow it."

"You're an adult Meredith, you live on your own, why do you care what she thinks about your life?"

"It's not me I'm worried about, she'll make our lives a living hell. She'll get us where it hurts the most, at work."

"You really care about me."

"Is it so hard to believe that I'm falling for you?"

"It's hard to grasp that anyone would...it's hard to believe anyone would look at me and not cringe at how I've treated the rest of humanity lately."

"You're human Derek."

"Meredith." he mumbled, she looked at him "I'm falling for you too."

She stopped her pacing and walked over to him again, she looked confused, and longed to be in his arms again, and indefinitely. She couldn't believe how strongly she suddenly felt about him, it was as if someone opened a flood gate on her emotions. There was nothing that could stop it, she absolutely had to be with Derek, she just didn't know how that would be possible.

"What can we do Derek, there has to be a way."

"Is your mother in your life other than at work?"

"No, not at all." she shook her head.

"Than that must be the answer."

"You think we should just keep mum about it at work and be normal outside of work?"

"Well I wouldn't flaunt it outside of work, unless you want anyone at work to catch wind and start up rumors in the hospital."

"Right." she nodded "We'll just sneak."

"Meredith," he sighed "I'll do anything to make this work.. But how long exactly will we have to sneak?"

"I won't be an intern forever Derek."

"But she'll be our chief of surgery for who knows how long?"

"I know." she mumbled "But since I made the decision to become a doctor I wanted to do my internship at Seattle Grace, my mother did and every other doctor in our family as well. It's tradition I guess and it's important to me. Just let me finish out my intern year here, and I'll transfer somewhere else, then she can't torture us. Or at least not me."

"Do you really think I'll let you go anywhere alone?" he smirked.

"You can do whatever you choose to do."

"My choice?" he raised his brown then smiled as he reached out and caressed her cheek with his thumb while cradling her jaw in his palm "Meredith before I met you I was living in the dark, under a cloudy sky, the only fulfillment I got out of a single day was finishing off a bottle of scotch each night. I had nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to. Then you came like a strong wind, you took my breath away and at first knocked me down. But you blew the clouds away, you lit up my sky, and you gave me something to be happy about, I look forward to every second with you, I get up each morning now and enjoy the fact that I'm alive. So really, there is no choice other than you."

"Derek Shepherd." she said in a breathless whisper "Keep that up and you'll make me fall in love with you."

He smiled and smirked as he lifted her chin "That is the plan."

And then their lips, satisfied with the information they shared took on a mind of their own and connected, picking back up where they'd left off.

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